Monster
by JoinTeamJacob
Summary: New Moon-Part 2 from Jacob's POV. Nominated for "Best Jacob"  Twilight Avant Garde Fanfiction Awards ."I started to back away from her towards the house. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get away..."
1. Change

___**Chapter 1: Change**_

I killed the engine as soon as I pulled into the driveway. I was edgy, having alternated between extreme happiness and extreme rage all the way home as I thought of Bella and the jerk that she was pining over. And I felt physically strange too, prickly all over, as if there were invisible hot pins pricking at me from the inside of my skin.

I saw the light still on in the living room and sighed. Billy had waited up for me but I didn't want to talk to anyone just now. I let myself out of the car quietly and walked slowly into the house.

"Hey dad," I muttered, my voice sounding weird to my ears.

"You look strange," Billy said critically, eyeing me with that same strange expectant look that he had been using on me for weeks.

That did it. I was about to snap at him when I suddenly realized that I was no longer in control of myself. The red hot feral rage that had been flickering just under the surface all day broke free and washed through my body, causing every inch to flare up in piercing agony. I felt my head start to spin wildly as the fury took over my brain. I struggled to stay upright as my whole body shook and trembled from the fury.

_Calm down. Calm down._

I said over and over in my head, but it couldn't penetrate that thick red haze. Suddenly, the shaking got worse and my head was thrown back as my back arched and my spine seemed to splinter from the heat. I felt myself exploding, as if my insides were about to burst through my disintegrating skin. This was it. I was dying. I had to be.

And then, the boiling heat exploded through my skin and I felt myself falling … dying …

But before I hit the ground, my body suddenly caught itself and I found myself standing upright again. The shaking had stopped but I could still feel the fiery wave of heat coursing through my body. Disoriented and shell-shocked, I caught a glimpse of my surroundings which made me jump in surprise, and my head hit the ceiling hard before my feet even left the ground.

"_What the f*%#? Why am I so tall? What the hell just happened?" _I looked over at Billy and my head began to spin again. I felt as if I were looking at him from on top of a platform. I had somehow grown four feet taller in the past few minutes.

"_WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT'S GOING ON?" _I shouted him, but it came out in this hideous yowling sound.

"_What the hell? I can't speak anymore?"_

I began to panic, which only made the swirling red heat rage more within me more.

"_WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?!"_ I demanded as I took a step towards Billy. The room shook as I moved.

I heard growling and turned to look around, but there was no one there. That's when I realized that the growling was coming from me. I reached out to shake Billy, to demand that he answer me. But as I reached my hand out, instead of my hand, I saw this gigantic clawed furry paw in its place.

"_WHAT THE F*%#?!! _"

I stared at the two furry paws that had replaced my hand and I started to freak out. I yelled at the top of my lungs, but all I could hear were terrified yelping sounds coming out of my mouth.

"Calm down, Jake. Calm Down. It's okay. Everything's going to be okay," Billy said soothingly as he backed away from me. But it only made me angrier that he was talking to me like I was some cranky toddler who had just woken up from a nap.

And hat's when I realized that Billy didn't look the least bit surprised or confused. Suddenly, everything clicked into place in my head.

He knew what was going on. He had been expecting this. That's why he had been looking at me weirdly for the past few weeks.

"_EXPLAIN THIS! TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!"_ I started shouting at him but all I could hear were angry snarls and growls.

Billy grabbed the phone and called someone.

"Sam, it happened," he said urgently.

That did it. The red hot rage spiked and spiraled through my body as I flipped out.

"_SAM?! SAM IS IN ON THIS!? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON! TELL ME! TELL ME!" _

I started to yell – but all I heard were yelps – and that uncontrollable fury began to spill over into my brain again. I moved towards him, gesturing wildly, as I felt my anger taking over me. I was right in his face, my jaws tensing to bite, when my mind suddenly registered the terrified expression on Billy's face.

I jerked myself back in horror. What the hell was I doing? Was I going to attack Billy? What was wrong with me?!?!

"_Jacob."_

I heard a voice in my head. A voice that wasn't mine.

"_Jacob. It's Sam. Calm down. It's okay."_

I was confused. What the hell was going on? Was I hallucinating? Were these voices real?

"_You're not crazy. We'll explain everything. Just get out of the house."_

_  
"What the hell is going on? Tell me!!!" _I thought frantically as I tried to keep myself as far away from Billy as I could in our tiny living room.

"_Jake, it's okay. It's really okay," _said a familiar voice.

"_Embry?" _

"_Jake, I'm sorry. I don't know how to say this but …"_

Embry's voice in my head died off but bizarrely, I realized that I was in his head and I could see through his eyes. And I was staring at a gigantic black wolf. It turned to look at me, its eyes intelligent and expectant, and it nodded once at me. And then suddenly, I knew.

"_Werewolf."_

Embry and Sam didn't respond. But they didn't need to. I felt the tremor of their reactions and I knew that I was right. I looked over at Billy who had tears in his eyes. I finally understood why he had been watching me so warily for months. He had known all along that this was going to happen. That I was going to turn into a monster one day. The rage that I thought had died down spiraled out of control again as I processed that thought.

"_You're not a monster, Jacob,"_ Sam's voice echoed in my head piercing through my thoughts.

"_The hell if I'm not. But I don't understand. Why? What? How?"_

I pleaded with them, desperate to make sense of what had happened.

"_We'll tell you everything, Jake. I promise." _Embry reassured me,_ "But you have to get out of the house first. It's too dangerous for you to be near Billy."_

"_But I don't understand … "_

"_Jake, listen to me. You have to get out of the house. It's not safe."_

"_TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!"_

"_No, Jake. You have to get out. Now. Please,"_ Embry urged _"Remember, how you almost took off Billy's head?"_

"_How did you … how can you …" _I sputtered in confusion.

"_The same way you can see in my head,"_ he responded softly. _"Just get out of the house first. Meet us in the forest. We'll explain everything."_

I nodded slowly and looked up to see that Billy had already eased by me and opened up the back door. I barely fit through the doorway and had to turn sideways awkwardly to get out. I was careful to keep my hands – or claws or paws or whatever the hell they were – close to me and away from Billy.

Walking on two legs felt unsteady and strange. I looked down and almost lost it again at the sight of two hairy paws in place of my feet.

"_Calm, Jake. Calm."_ Sam cautioned.

I forced myself to relax and I was relieved to find that awful uncontrollable rage simmer slightly. Once I got outside the door, I fell immediately onto four legs. It felt strange at first walking that way, but after a few steps, it became natural and I took off into the forest at full speed.

"_Where are you guys? Where am I going? I don't understand …" _ my voice cracking from the strain.

"_Keep going. We're a few miles straight ahead of you, in the empty logging field,"_ Embry instructed.

I raced through the forest utterly disoriented and confused. Even on four legs, I was taller than I normally was – or whatever the hell I was before this happened – and so my new line of vision seemed strange and off-kilter. I was surprised at how easily I was able to run through the forest without crashing into trees, but the minute I started to think, I started to lose my agility and had a few close calls.

"_Go with your instincts, Jacob. Don't think about it."_ Sam's voice echoed inside my head.

I stopped thinking about it and suddenly, the same fluidity and grace that I had before returned. I saw the clearing up ahead and raced to the middle before skidding to a stop.


	2. Horror

**Chapter 2: Horror**

It was a horrifying sight. There were two gigantic wolves sitting in the middle of the clearing. One was clearly the black beast that had been terrifying backpackers for the past year. It was easily well over 11 feet tall standing on its hind legs and it was built like a horse, with claws the size of a human head. The other was smaller and thinner, with light gray fur and black spots on its back. The light gray wolf looked directly at me and I recognized the expression in its black eyes.

"_Embry."_

The wolf nodded. I looked at them both and suddenly, I felt my eyes tearing up.

So this is what I am. A monster.

But instead of the tears that I expected to come, I felt a strange itching in my eye. Wolves can't cry I realized. And the realization only just made me want to cry more.

Sam turned away from me suddenly and let out a loud howl. I jumped at the noise, startled to hear it up close. Two more wolves came dashing out of the forest. Clearly they had been waiting in the edges for the call. One was huge, almost as large as Sam, with dark brown fur, and the other was a deep gray.

"_The La Push Gang," _I realized.

"_Not so much a gang. More of a pack,"_ Jared joked.

He and Paul chuckled as they high-fived each other. The sight of the two gigantic wolves leaping up to slap each others' paw was a terrifyingly awesome sight, and I started to back away before I remembered that I was one of them now.

"_Holy sh*t. Can we all hear each other's thoughts?" _I asked, suddenly processing the addition of the two new voices in my head.

"_Hear. See. Nothing is private when we're in wolf form. Calm your mind and you'll find out soon enough,"_ Sam responded gruffly.

I looked at him confused, but I tried to quiet my thoughts to figure out what he meant. And that's when I heard the faint humming in the background that I hadn't noticed at first. As I strained to listen in on the humming, I slowly began to distinguish actual voices. Or really, not voices, but the blurred internal thoughts of all the others that were in the clearing with me.

_"Reddish-brown fur, huh? That's good, we've got too many gray ones already ...."_

_"Damnit, I can't believe he's a bigger wolf than I am. He's almost as big as Sam ..."_

"_Don't know why the kid is freaking out. This is best thing that's happened to me ..."_

_"I'm sorry, man. I wanted to tell you but I couldn't ..."_

My head snapped up at that last sentence. I looked at Embry and we stared at each other for a long time as I read the apology in his face.

I turned to Sam who was looking at me expectantly, _"I don't understand. How? Why?"_

_"It'll be easier if I just show you,"_ he responded.

I got up onto my hind legs, expecting him to lead me somewhere when suddenly, I felt as if I had fallen headlong into a movie theater with scenes flashing before me. Except it was a 3-D theater and I was somehow standing in the middle of each scene, an invisible observer, just watching as the stories unfolded around me. I realized that I was in Sam's head, the way I was in Embry's head before, and Sam was showing me memories. Flashbacks of the past.

I saw his own transformation two summers ago, triggered by a fight with Leah. He runs out of the Clearwater's house, feeling like he's about to die. He's able to get into the woods and out of sight when the transformation happens. I see and hear the sheer panic and terror in his thoughts. He has no idea what has happened to him and thinks that he had lost his mind.

The forest blurs past as I watch him run frantically through the woods, desperately searching for answers or clues or anything to help explain what had happened to him. Then I see him looking into a river and seeing his reflection for the first time – the realization dawning in his eyes.

I saw Sam as a man again, shaking hands with Old Quil, who nearly jumps out of his seat when he touches Sam's burning hot skin. The scene shifts again and I see Sam with Billy, Old Quil, and Harry, who are urgently explaining to him what has happened. I couldn't help but stare at my father, who was doing much of the explaining, horrified that he's known all along what would one day happen to me. The low tones of their conversation wash over me and I am only able to register parts of it, "...the legends are true ... happened to our grandfathers ... werewolves ... vampires..."

I jerked myself suddenly out of Sam's head in sheer horror.

_"Vampires?! That can't be real ..."_

_"All the legends are real, Jacob."_

I was back in Sam's head again as he showed me scenes from the past few months, the murdered hikers in the woods. My stomach retched at the sight of their blank eyes and drained corpses, not an ounce of blood remaining in them. He changed the memory quickly before I could puke. And then I saw the others transforming for the first time. It's a blur as I watched Sam's memories of each of their first transformations as they freak out before Sam explains to them the same way he's explaining to me now.

_"Does this happen to everyone?" _I demanded.

_"No. Only the descendants of the original wolves ..."_

_"Oh God. Billy ..."_

_"No. It hasn't happened since the days of Ephraim. Old Quil saw his grandfather transform. That's how he knew what had happened to me."_

_"But then, why? If it hasn't happened for a hundred years, why now? Why us?" _

They all looked at me as if I were an idiot. And then, I realized that I already knew the answer to my own question.

_"The Cullens,_" I snarled. My head erupted with the red hot rage._ "It's because of them! They're the ones that did this. That's why Billy has always hated them. He knew this would happen when they moved back. Damnit. Why can't we ...."_

Suddenly, I felt hands - or paws - holding me in place. I look up surprised to see Paul and Embry restraining me. I hadn't realized that I had jumped up and was crouching to attack.

_"Jacob. The most important thing you need to know about being a werewolf is that our hallmark - our curse - is the inability to control our rage. You have to be aware of that at all times. Or else ..."_

Sam's voice faded off deliberately, but I didn't notice as I suddenly remembered something else.

_"Oh my god. Bella! The Cullens! She ..."_

_"She knows."_

_"What?"_ I jerked my head up in confusion. I glared as they all shifted uncomfortably, avoiding my eyes at all costs, except for Embry and Sam.

_"She knows what they are," _Sam repeated.

_"That's not possible ..."_

My voice trailed off as I suddenly remembered that day at the beach. Oh sh*t. I was the one to tell her. Except I stupidly didn't know I was doing it.

_"Well that explains it then,"_ Sam mused. "_We always wondered how she found out."_

_"Does this mean he broke the treaty?"_ Jared demanded anxiously.

I looked up at him horrified. The treaty. It wasn't some joke. It was a real treaty. And I had broken it, even if I hadn't known what I was doing at the time.

_"I don't think so. Or at least they didn't seem to think so," _Sam responded gravely.

_"But ... but ... she didn't believe me. She thought they were scary stories. She can't have known ..." _I protested even though in my heart I knew that I was protesting in vain.

"_She did know. She told Billy as much when he confronted her last spring."_

My head spun as Sam flashed back to the memory of a phone call with Billy last spring. But I didn't have to watch, because I was there, fuming out on the back porch when I accidentally overheard the entire conversation. It hadn't made sense to me at the time. But now, re-watching the scene was painful – every moment a mockery of my naiveté and ignorance.

_" ... I don't know how the hell she dated a Vampire though. Can you imagine her kissing one of those bloodsuckers?"_

I stared at Paul, horrified at this new train of thought that I hadn't considered. Images of Bella in the arms of a monster started to flash through my head. My Bella. My best friend. The girl I was in love with. With him. A monster. And then I remembered that she was still grieving over him, unable – no unwilling – to let go.

_"...him kissing her, touching her ..."_

I launched myself at Paul before I realized what I was doing. Sam and Embry grabbed me by the neck and held me in place as I struggled to keep the burning rage in check. My breathing was ragged as my stomach churned at the thought.

"_Behave Paul," _Sam commanded, in a deep resonant timbre that sounded nothing like his voice.

Paul obeyed grumpily, cutting off the rest of his thoughts abruptly. I shut my eyes and forced those images out of my head. I couldn't bear to think about them right now. I knew if I did, I would completely lose it. I opened my eyes wearily and looked around.

_"So what now? What does this mean?"_

_"We're the tribe's protectors. It's our job to keep the tribe safe from vampires."_

_"But if the Cullens are gone ..."_

_"There are others. They're not like the Cullens. They've been hunting,"_ Sam explained grimly.

I remembered suddenly the flashbacks that Sam showed me of the murdered hikers. The others started to fill me in and I was suddenly overwhelmed with images ... the wolves running through the woods ... coming across a series of murdered hikers ... fleeting glimpses of a tall black-haired vampire with dreads and a female vampire with bright orange curly locks ... the wolves with their noses close the ground sniffing at a burning sickly sweet smell ... the wolves running in the shadows to avoid being seen by hikers ... chasing a trail through the woods but getting nowhere ...

_"But can we destroy them? I mean, do we know how?"_ I asked.

"_We haven't actually caught up with them yet so we don't know for sure,"_ Sam admitted. _"All we really know is what the legends tell us."_

_"So ..." _I paused, grimacing as I realized that the grotesque descriptions from the scary stories that haunted me as a child would have to become reality.

_"Rip and burn, baby. Rip and burn," _Paul laughed with a barking yelp.

"_It's not that easy," _Jared scoffed. He turned to explain, "_Old Quil said that their venom is poisonous. That was one of the few things that his grandfather told him. So we have to be careful when we attack."_

_"Right" _I agreed, stupidly, sounding as if I knew what I was talking about._ "So how do we find them?"_

I was raring to go. More than anything, I wanted to have an outlet for the million and one emotions boiling over inside of me.

_"We've been trying, but there's a lot of territory to cover. Now that the Cullens are gone, we've been trying to cover beyond the treaty land - towards Forks," _Sam explained. "_We basically split up running patrols, in search of their scent so that we can track them down. Hopefully before they kill again."_

_"But they're damned fast ..."_ Paul grumbled.

Embry jumped in,_ "We never seem to be able to catch them in the act. We always arrive a few minutes too late."_

I winced at his euphemism. The thought of seeing a vampire in the act of draining human blood was making me light-headed with anger. When the faceless victim I was picturing in my head turned into Bella, then my head really began to feel like it would explode.

Gritting my teeth to keep myself in check, I asked, _"So how long are we ... you know, like this ..."_ Suddenly, an even more terrible thought popped into my head. _"This isn't permanent is it?"_

_"No!"_ Sam reassured me. "_The legends say that it'll take about 10 to 15 years before we regain enough control to stop shifting."_

_"Ten to fifteen years!"_

My heads flooded with images - of high school graduation, college, a job, a family - things that I had taken for granted would be in my future. I had never thought much about them before, but now, the painful realization that they weren't for me made me realize how much I had taken them for granted.

_"You have to still go to school in the meantime ..."_

_"... we have to keep up appearances, keep the secret..."_ Embry interrupted

"_ ... but forget about studying or your grades for now. The most important thing is not to kill anyone," _Jared finished Embry's thought.

I looked at him in alarm. _"What do you mean kill someone?"_

_"It's really dangerous for you to be around normal human beings right now, you could lose control at any time and hurt those around you,"_ Sam explained. Then with a nod to the others, he continued, _"You have to hang out with your brothers. __You need to stay close to each other, because they are the only ones strong enough to restrain if you lose control."_

The hair on the back of my neck stood on end as I processed what he said. I imagined myself losing control in class, pouncing on my classmates or in my garage with Bella…

"_You can't see her."_

_"What?!"_ I cried out, looking around at the others, who had just watched and listened to my train of thoughts with me.

_"Haven't you heard anything we've been saying?"_ Sam demanded

_"But it's Bella. I won't hurt her ... she won't make me angry ..." _I protested.

Paul cackled. _"Kiddo, you clearly have never been in love before. Women drive you crazy, man!"_

_"But I would never hurt her! I can do this!"_ I insisted, my heart pounding loudly as I contemplated a life without her.

_"Enough!"_

Sam closed his eyes and turned away from me. The silence among the group was deafening and I saw them all looking away uncomfortably. Then Sam turned back to me and I jumped back in shock at the haunted look on his face.

"_I'm not trying to be unreasonable, Jacob. But you really are a danger to her. Believe me, you don't want to want to make that mistake."_

Abruptly, I was in the middle of another one of Sam's memories. He and Emily were in her backyard – there was snow on the ground so it must have been this past winter - and they were fighting. I couldn't quite make out what they were arguing about, but I could see Sam getting more and more agitated. He grabbed Emily's shoulders with both arms and shook her, begging her to listen to him. Emily said something cutting in response - which surprised me given how sweet she normally was - and then suddenly, I knew what I was about to see.

I recognized the uncontrollable expression on Sam's face and I shut my eyes quickly, but it was useless. I forgot that I was seeing this in my mind - through Sam's memories - and so I couldn't shut it off. I saw him transform involuntarily, with his arms still around her. His left hand - now a gigantic clawed paw - tore down the right side of her face as it jerked up uncontrollably during the transformation. Emily screamed, crumpling to the ground, unconscious from the pain. There was blood everywhere, pouring from the three jagged tears running down the entire right side of her body.

Sam was crazed with horror and self-hatred, but he didn't dare go near her. He couldn't calm himself down enough to phase back, so he unleashed a plaintive - almost unhinged sounding - howl. Seconds later, Jared and Paul - as wolves - burst into the yard. They processed the scene and Jared immediately phased to carry the unconscious Emily into the house while Paul dashed back into the forest.

Moments later, the Clearwater's car swung into the driveway with Paul at the wheel and Sue in the front seat, carrying her nurse's bag. They entered the house as Sam frantically paced outside - just in the shadows of the trees - afraid of being seen yet desperately wanting to see.

Because it was his memory that I was seeing, I could feel every ounce of the anguish, pain, and blistering self-hatred that trapped him in his wolf form. I watched, sick to my bones, as the ambulance arrived, paramedics shouting at each other about the "bear" attack, and Emily being carted off on a stretcher.

I watched Sam - still unable to phase - slinks into the woods and curls up under a tree. Morning comes, but he is still unable to phase back as he torments himself by replaying what happened over and over again in his head. Finally, it was nightfall again and Jared has come to find him. He tells Sam that Emily will recover, and finally, Sam is able to relax. He forces himself to calm down, clamping down on the red virulent rage of self-hatred, forcing it to ebb away temporarily, and then suddenly, he is human again.

The memory stopped abruptly but I didn't look up.

_"You can't see her. I can't let you risk that," _Sam choked out.

I nodded my head. I didn't argue with him because I knew that he was right. And I was right. I am a monster.

I heard the others' chiming in on what I just thought - ranging from protesting (Jared) to mocking (Paul) to soothing (Embry) to resignation (Sam). Suddenly, I was desperate to get away from the hum of voices in my head, to get away from having my every thought open to the whole world.

That was when I remembered what I had seen in the memory - what Sam had done in order to phase back. I grimaced as I forced myself to breathe slower and to force the red haze to wane. It wasn't as hard as I had expected, mostly because I had already spent most of my anger and I was too shell-shocked to react any more. Suddenly, as I felt the red haze slowly fade away, I shimmered back into my human form.

The change back was disorienting. I was completely naked and every part of my body hurt like hell from the transformation. The hot prickling that I felt before was nothing compared to the searing heat that prickled my skin now. I heard a faint shimmering sound around me as the rest of them phased back too.

"How did you do that Jake?" Embry sputtered in shock, as he and the others pulled on the clothes that they had brought with them, tied to that black string on their ankles.

I laughed then. A bitter and mirthless laugh. So much for that black anklet being some stupid gang symbol.

Sam's low urgent tones interrupted my thoughts. "Jake, how did you do that?"

I looked back at them confused. "I saw what Sam did in the memory. I just calmed down and it happened."

They looked at each other and then back at me with open admiration and shock.

"Was that wrong?" I asked, suddenly worried that I had broken some unspoken werewolf code.

"No, no! It just took me days to figure out how to do that," Embry shared.

"It took me a week," Jared added. He jerked his thumb over his shoulder. "It took Paul weeks."

"Oh." I didn't know how to respond.

"It's a good thing, Jake," Embry pressed on, half admiringly and half soothingly. "You're a natural at this."

The irony. I had always wanted to be extraordinary at something in my life. And to find out that my latent talent was being good at being a werewolf was suddenly too much for me to bear. With my eyes stinging, I turned away and started stumbling into the darkness of the trees.

I heard someone - probably Embry - make a move to follow me, but Sam held him back and told him to let me go. I used my hands to feel my way through the forest, my human eyes unable to see as well in the dark as my wolf eyes could.

I wandered for what felt like hours in the forest - not caring where I was going - just lost in my head as I replayed the evening's events over and over. I didn't seem possible that just a few hours ago, I had been happier than I could ever have imagined possible with Bella. And now, this.

I finally reached the ocean. I was on the beach, right by the white driftwood log where I had chatted with Bella that fateful day. That's when I curled up in the darkness and started to cry.


	3. BreakUp

_____Note: I am trying to stay as faithful to the books as I can, so I've literally taken Stephenie Meyer's dialogue between Bella and Jacob in New Moon and rewritten it from Jacob's perspective._

**Chapter 3: Break-Up**

When I returned home Sunday morning, I saw that Billy had left a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt hanging on the back door. I gratefully grabbed them and pulled them on. I could see the light on in the living room, so I breathed deeply and turned the knob.

Billy was sitting at the kitchen table reading a book, but he looked up as soon as he heard the door open. We looked at each other for a long time without saying anything.

"Hey dad," I whispered, my voice rough and hoarse from two days of not saying a word.

"I'm glad you're home," he replied. And with that, I crossed the few feet between us and threw myself into his arms. It had been years since he had hugged me like this – comforting me and soothing me as a child – but I desperately needed it now.

"I'm sorry, son. I'm sorry," he repeated over and over as he held me tightly.

I felt my eyes sting, but there were no tears left. I was all cried out. That first night, at the driftwood log, I had cried like I had never cried before. I was a monster. And my life – along with everything that had ever meant anything to me – was no longer mine.

When dawn broke over the forest, I realized that it wouldn't be good to be caught hanging out naked at the beach, so I retreated into the forest – pacing the deserted cliffs all day reliving every moment of the past night trying to search for some way to make sense of it all - before I finally fell into an exhausted sleep in a warm sunny meadow. When I woke up, it was the middle of the night again and I made my way back to the beach to wait for dawn to break so that I could return home.

"You must be hungry."

Billy let go of me as he rolled himself over to the fridge to get some food. I got up to help him, but he waved me off. I sat back down at the kitchen table in silence as he popped a gigantic salad-sized bowl into the microwave.

I glanced curiously around the living room. The last time I saw it, it had been completely demolished. The table and couch that had gotten in the way of my transformation had been flung against the far wall, breaking the lamp and scattering books and papers all over the floor. But the room had been cleaned up, everything put back in its place.

"Embry and Sam came by to fix it up," Billy said as he saw me eying the new lamp on the end table.

"Oh … I'm sorry," I whispered, feeling guilty even though he knew that it wasn't my fault.

"It's nothing," he dismissed as he grabbed the warm fragrant bowl from the microwave and placed it in front of me with a fork.

I inhaled the delicious scent of Sue's homemade ziti and realized that I was starving. I hadn't eaten all day yesterday, and yet it never registered through the shock and confusion. We sat quietly as I attacked the food, scarfing it all down in minutes. When I finished, I was shocked at how much I ate. But I guess being a werewolf will do that to you.

"They told me that you were able to phase back that night," Billy said. "Something the others weren't able to do."

"Yeah, I …" I choked up. What was I going to say? Apparently, I'm a very talented werewolf? "I'm sorry I didn't come back right away. I just needed…"

"I know," Billy interrupted. "You had a good reason."

I looked up at him and we smiled at each other sadly. Billy grabbed the bowl and began to clean up.

"I guess I'll take a shower. I must stink," I half-joked, half-grimaced.

Billy didn't dispute me, so I got up and walked towards the bathroom. The phone rang and I reached over to pick it up before I realized what I was doing.

"Hello?" My voice cracked as I tried to put on some semblance of normalcy.

"Oh, Jake."

It was Bella. For a moment, I forgot everything that had happened the past two days and just relived the glorious two hours on Friday evening before the sh*t hit the fan.

She groaned sympathetically. "You sound horrible."

"I feel horrible," I whispered softly, trying to hide the hoarseness of my voice. My whole body ached from the transformation - from the tips of my toes to the deepest recesses of my brain. And the worst part was the constant burning and prickling underneath the skin, a constant reminder of the uncontrollable rage that now defined my life.

"I'm so sorry I made you go out with me. This sucks."

"I'm glad I went," I said softly but urgently. "Don't blame yourself. This isn't your fault."

It's that bloodsucker boyfriend of yours, I suddenly wanted to shout. Damn him and whatever soul he has left to hell. I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she knew. That she had known all along and yet she still wanted to be with him.

"You'll get better soon," she promised. "I woke up this morning, and I was fine."

"You were sick?" I asked dully.

"Yes, I got it, too. But I'm fine now."

"That's good," I whispered back, fighting the urge to either break down crying or start yelling at her.

"So you'll probably be better in a few hours."

"I don't think I have the same thing you did," I replied sarcastically.

"Don't you have the stomach flu?" she asked, confused at my tone.

I wish. "No. This is something else."

"What's wrong with you?"

I wish I could tell you. The words almost burst out of my mouth. Holding my thoughts and feelings back from Bella just seemed wrong, and yet somehow I managed to bite my tongue. "Every part of me hurts."

"What can I do, Jake? What can I bring you?"

Suddenly, reality hit me like a mack truck. I was a werewolf. And I was dangerous. I couldn't let her come.

"Nothing. You can't come here," I replied swiftly and decisively despite the crack in my voice.

"I've already been exposed to whatever you have," she insisted.

I could see her so clearly in my mind, on the phone in Charlie's kitchen, twisting the phone cord and knitting her forehead with concern.

"I'll call you when I can. I'll let you know when you can come down again," I replied quickly before she could get a chance to continue.

"Jacob–"

What I wanted to say was, I'm sorry Bells. I'm so sorry that I'm going to have to break my promise to you, just like that other monster. But it's not my fault.

But instead, all I said was, "I've got to go."

"Call me when you feel better," she persisted.

"Right," I said, bitterly, thinking of the months of exile ahead of me. Sam thought it might take up to 6 months before I finally could see her again. Would she even take my call then I wondered sadly as I waited for her to say goodbye, dreading the moment that she did because I didn't know when - or if – I would hear her voice again.

"I'll see you soon," she finally said, raising her voice slightly as if to make it into a question.

"Wait for me to call," I reminded her, my voice breaking up from the strain.

"Okay… Bye, Jacob."

"Bella." I whispered her name as I hung up.

Billy looked at me with sympathy written all over his face. I held back the tears until I got into the shower, and then they poured out of me, draining me completely.


	4. Hunt

**Chapter 4: Hunt**

Embry woke me up a few hours later. I had crawled into bed after the shower, drained and exhausted, and fell into a fitful sleep full of crazy fantastical dreams. He knocked gently on the door before letting himself in. I sat up groggily and swung my legs over to make room for him.

"You okay?" he asked quietly.

"Never better," I replied sarcastically. But I regretted it immediately when I saw his face. We were in this together. He was as much a victim of this horrible cruel practical joke as I was.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to .."

"It's okay," he mumbled without looking at me. "I understand."

"So what now?" I asked, even though I didn't actually want to know the answer.

"Well, when you feel ready, you'll join us on our patrols."

"What does that mean?"

"We take shifts," Embry explained. "The leeches have been killing very close to the reservation, so we need to make sure that there's a wolf awake and alert and patrolling the boundary at all time."

"Leech," I chuckled in spite of myself. Not a bad word for the disgusting parasite that they were.

"Because the rest of us are still in school, Sam usually takes the night shift and the daytime shift. And then we split the rest of the time up." He frowned, " Well Paul and Jared do. Sam has been having me run with him at nights so that I can learn, but pretty soon I can take my own shifts."

I frowned too. It hadn't even occurred to me that I would have a lot of catch-up to do in terms of learning how to be a "good" werewolf.

"Is there a lot to learn?" I asked.

"Yes and no. A lot of it is just instinct. The number one rule is just to control the rage," Embry explained anxiously. "But you'll be fine – at least with the first part – we were all amazed that you were able to shift back. No one has that type of control yet, except maybe Sam."

It hurt me to hear that again. As if I needed to be reminded of how natural I was at being a monster.

"It's not all bad, Jake, really it isn't," he stumbled on seeing my pained expression. "You'll love the speed - we're so fast and we can run for ages. And then there are the heightened senses …"

I looked at him in confusion. Heightened senses? Not that having superhero powers would make this okay, but ...

"Just try it. Listen."

I did as he said, straining to hear something in the distance. But nothing. So much for being a natural. Apparently, I was a defective werewolf.

"No, no. You can't try that hard. The key is to let your animal instinct and your gut take over. Relax as much of your human side as possible …"

I followed his instructions, letting the thoughts in my brain quiet to nothingness. And then, suddenly, it flooded through me – my skin tingled as I felt the breeze drifting in through the window, the dampness of the spring day tantalizing my sense of smell. I could hear the cars whizzing by the highway and the sound of children laughing down at the beach almost a mile away. My eyes widened as I realized that everything was in sharper focus. I could see minute cracks on the walls and tiny cobwebs in the ceiling corners, as if they were magnified and illuminated in front of me.

"See? Not so bad, right?" Embry asked encouragingly.

I was about to reply when we both tensed at the sound of someone turning onto my street. It was Quil, his lumbering walk particularly distinctive. He was still a mile down the road, but we both jumped up in alarm.

"We can't see him. We can't tell him," Embry insisted he grabbed my arm and began to shephard me out of my room.

"But he's our friend, can't we …" I protested feebly even though I knew the stupidity of what I was saying.

"No," he insisted. "It's too dangerous. Especially since the two of you get pissed at each other all the time."

Billy looked up quickly and nodded as we took off through the back door. We ran into the woods behind the house. I heard Embry slow down to start pulling off his clothes. He threw a piece of black leather at me and I understood immediately. I used the string to tie my clothes to my left leg. And then I tensed as I prepared to morph – for the first time voluntarily.

Embry was right. It was mostly instinct. I slowly loosened the hold on the rage within me and suddenly, I was leaping through the air - the heat trembling down my spine – and when I landed, I was on all fours, fully phased. I threw my arms – or paws out - stretching my back, feeling strangely restful after the past two days of torment, anguish, and pain. I realized that as a wolf, my human emotions were faded and weak, giving myself an outlet from all of the pain.

"_Look who decided to join the pack …"_ Paul cackled.

Damnit. I had forgotten about that mind connection. Suddenly, I wasn't sure if the outlet from human emotions was worth having him in my head all the time.

"_Paul. Behave." _Sam's deep baritone sounded deeper if it were possible. "_Welcome to the pack, Jake. You have a lot to learn." _

The next two weeks passed in a blur. I trailed Sam on all his patrols as he taught me everything I needed to know. I learned to isolate voices in my head from the rest of the noise, to distinguish between the intentional thoughts that the others wanted to share with me and their internal monologue that I tried to avoid at all costs. You never want to listen to what others are really thinking. Trust me on this.

I also learned that the sickly sweet smell – that I had first smelled at Bella's prom almost a year ago – was actually the scent of vampires. It was now burned in my head as we spent innumerable hours searching for it and following faint trails that seemed to lead nowhere. I cut my hair too, another thing that marked me as one of the pack. Long hair just made our fur too shaggy.

At school, I sat in a daze through my classes, focusing exclusively on moderating my internal composure so that nothing would set me off. My teachers called Billy in concern at my zombie-like state, but he put them off citing teenage rebellion. Not even the hurt looks that Quil gave me constantly could penetrate the intense focus I used to stay calm during class. It didn't seem that difficult, but the others constantly beat into my head how important it was, that it made me wary that I wasn't finding it more difficult.

As for Quil, Embry and I avoided him at all costs and I was grateful for our super-heightened senses that allowed us to detect his presence long before he could see us. It made it easier not having to see him. In fact, it made it easier not to see anyone but the other wolves. It was easier to forget that we weren't normal when we stopped hanging out with normal people.

And it was easier to stay in wolf form as much as possible. Despite the irritating voices and complete lack of privacy, it was worth the dulling of the pain that was present every time I shifted back to my human self.

And mostly, I tried not think about Bella. But I couldn't help it. I knew that she called constantly. Billy ran out of excuses so he just stopped answering the phone. She even came by the following Saturday. I heard the orange Chevy drive up our street and I was paralyzed for a moment, before Embry forced me out of the house and into the woods. We watched her get out of the truck and peer into the empty windows before driving off again. I shifted into a wolf instantly. It didn't hurt as much that way.

By the second week, I felt infinitely better. I hadn't phased uncontrollably again since that first night – something that none of the others had managed to do - and I felt the tension leave my shoulders. Maybe this wasn't as hard as the others said it was. I mean, I still lost my temper all the time, but I always managed to catch myself in time. Unlike, Paul who had been doing this for a year and still seemed to have no control.

Sam decided that we should expand our patrols further beyond the reservation. Now that the Cullens were gone, we didn't have to worry about staying within the treaty boundaries and our first priority was to nail the bloodsuckers that had been killing hikers in the area.

The five of us headed east on Sunday, towards Forks. It was a beautiful spring-ish day, the first weekend in March. I tried hard not to remember what had happened the first weekend in March last year. Partially because it was too painful and partially because I didn't need to give Paul and Jared more ammunition to make fun of me.

Even though we were covering new ground, we ran our patrol almost lazily. After two weeks of following faded scents and dead leads, we were exhausted and the cheeriness of the spring day affected us all.

Embry and I raced each other, picking points in the distance and zooming towards them, thrilling at our newfound speed and stamina. It felt like I could run for miles. Jared and Paul were bantering about some chicks they had scoped out on the beach last night.

Even Sam seemed to relax a little in the warm sunshine, which meant a lot. Sam was always serious when it came to our responsibilities. But then again, he was the Alpha Wolf, the leader of our little pack. It was his responsibility to watch over us and I respected him because he took his job so seriously.

As Embry and I raced ahead to leap over a stream, the smell hit us in the face. That sickly sweet scent that I had come to know all too well. Except this was a fresh scent. I could tell by the way my throat constricted and my eyes saw red.

"_Stay behind me,"_ Sam commanded. "_We don't know what to expect, we've never actually fought a vampire before. We have to work together."_

We took off running due east following the trail. My anticipation built as I could feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins, joining the red hot anger that always simmers in my blood these days. After weeks of chasing stale trails that led us nowhere, this was it. I finally had a chance to do what I had been dying to do for weeks. Take my revenge on one of those disgusting parasites.

"_Jared,"_ Sam demanded as the scent got stronger.

Jared had eyesight like binoculars, he could see for miles.

"_I see them_," he responded, squinting off into the distance without breaking his stride. "_I see two figures in a meadow, straight ahead."_

I stared ahead, seeing nothing but trees, but we all kicked into full gear.

"_I see the guy, but the girl … it doesn't look like her… her hair isn't red, it's brown…"_

"_A human? Maybe a backpacker?" _ Paul interjected.

"_You don't see the female vampire anywhere?"_ Sam demanded urgently.

Jared scanned back and forth. _"No nothing. The scent trail is too light for two anyways."_

The pack had been too late time and time again, and we weren't going to let it happen this time. It was now that I fully appreciated our ability to read each other's thoughts. It made planning our attack that much easier and more effective. As we covered the remaining distance in a few seconds, I could see the two figures standing in the meadow ahead – two dots among the endless green.

"_I can't really see her. Her back is to me…" _Jared continued.

I squinted my eyes and strained hard, determined not to let someone die if I could prevent it. I saw long wavy chocolate brown hair and a familiar-looking coat. Suddenly, the girl turned her head – seeming to glance behind her in an attempt to back away.

"_Bella."_

The roar in my head drowned out all of my thoughts. I overtook Sam as I kicked into another gear that I never knew I had.

"_STOP! Stay behind me!" _

I heard Sam's command in that deep timbre voice of the Alpha Wolf that I knew that I could not disobey, but I tried anyways, fruitlessly, as my muscles refused to obey my mind. They locked midstride and I almost crashed headfirst into a tree in surprise. It wasn't until Sam raced past me that my muscles unlocked again. I caught up to him in seconds.

"_IT'S BELLA!" _I growled frantically. We were still yards away. If we were too late …

"_SILENCE! We don't want to tip him off," _Sam hissed._"We're on Cullen land. We may be breaking the treaty…"_

"_F*ck the treaty! They aren't even here anymore!!" _I shouted in my head, careful not to make a sound.

"_That may be one of their friends – they're talking, he hasn't attacked her yet."_ Sam replied equally ferociously. _"I have to do what's best for the tribe, Jake."_

"_SO YOU'RE GOING TO WAIT UNTIL HE ATTACKS HER BEFORE WE DO ANYTHING!" _

"_Shut up for a second," _Sam commanded,_ "Embry, what do you hear?"_

The other three had caught up with us in our sprint. Embry, like Jared, had heightened senses – except in his case, he had supersonic hearing.

"_Something about how she's lucky that he found her …" _Embry frowned, straining to hear above the rumbling of our paws as we covered the remaining distance,

"_Maybe he is a Cullen friend. Maybe he isn't the one …" _Jared interjected. "_After all,__ we haven't actually caught them in the act."_

"_We're not using Bella to test your theory," _I growled holding my anger and fear barely in check as I willed Sam to run faster. Bella was facing away from me again, so I couldn't see her face. But I could see that she was tense in the way she held her shoulders …

We were closing in on the clearing now and into earshot. I watched in horror as the vampire stroked her face, sniffing the breeze.

"Mouthwatering," he said in a low seductive voice as he inhaled deeply

"_WHAT OTHER PROOF …_" I growled, forgetting to stay silent, but Sam cut me off.

"_Jacob's right! We're taking him down! Follow my lead, and don't do anything until I tell you!" _

Sam turned his head to look at me as he said this. I nodded, refusing to take my eyes off of Bella. The sound of my growl must have distracted the leech, because he looked away from her and scanned the forest for the source of the sound.

"_We gotta take him down NOW,"_ Paul urged Sam.

"_Not in front of Bella. It's too dangerous,"_ I insisted. "_We have to chase him away first."_

I heard Embry seconding my thoughts, while Jared backed Paul and insisted that we couldn't afford to let him get away.

"_Wait for his reaction,"_ Sam commanded and all the voices fell silent. _"They don't retreat in the legends and so we fight here if that's what he does."_ Sam stopped suddenly, before he continued. "_If that happens Jake, you get Bella out of here right away. We'll take care of him." _

I agreed, but I was torn suddenly between protecting Bella and wanting to rip the bastard to shreds.

Sam stepped out into the meadow first, with a grisly snarl that echoed around the little meadow. Jared and Paul flanked him, followed by me and Embry at the wings.

"I don't believe it," the bloodsucker whispered.

I was only a few feet away from Bella and I couldn't stop myself from turning my head to look at her when I heard her gasp. For a moment, I forgot what I was doing as I was lost in the wonder of seeing her again. Even though I saw her face in my head every time I closed my eyes, it was nothing compared to seeing it in person. But the moment passed when I registered the sheer terror on her face as she stared at me. She thinks I'm a monster, I realized. She's more afraid of me than the vampire …

"_Focus, Jake,"_ Sam growled.

I whipped my head back to focus on the leech, who at this point was staring at us with unconcealed shock and fear. Then suddenly, he spun and disappeared into the trees quicker than lightening.

It stunned us for a moment. We weren't expecting him to run away. But instinct kicked in and we peeled after him, flying across the meadow with a few powerful bounds and straight into the woods.

The damn bloodsucker was fast, but not fast enough. We closed on him within minutes, even though he was zigzagging in an attempt to shake us off. Sam and I had pulled away from the other, though I was careful to stay behind Sam.

"_Now," _Sam shouted. And we both leapt at the same time and tackled the leech to the ground. As Sam rolled over, gripping the leech tightly, I saw the chance and pounced in to rip off his head -– the only weapon they have against us. I'm not shocked when no blood bleeds. I threw the dismembered head to Jared, and then it was a free for all. Despite all of the mock practices we had, instinct took over as Sam and I ripped the body to shreds with our teeth and claws and threw the pieces to Jared and Paul.

Sam morphed suddenly back into his human form and started to fumble at the pouch tied to the leather cord on his leg. He pulled out a butane lighter as the rest of us piled the pieces together. I had never seen anything scarier than the decapitated pieces trying to inch together to reattach themselves. Sam flicked on the lighter and threw it into the mess, and suddenly a black plume of sweet stench filled the air.

We watched silently as the fire burned the pieces into ashes. The others were elated at our success. I could hear their mental celebrations in my head, but I couldn't join them, not just yet.

"_Bella, she's wandering through the woods right now. What if the red-haired leech is around?" _

"_Go, but do not let her see you. And stay in wolf form_," Sam commanded.

I took off and followed her fresh human scent from the meadow, tracing her stumbling steps through the forest. Damnit. I knew that she hadn't mastered the compass and grid method I had taught her. What the hell was she doing in the woods by herself?

Suddenly, I saw her stumbling through the muddy ground, in the completely wrong direction, seemingly paying no attention to where she was going. I had never seen her so terrified and I wondered if it was a reaction to the leech or to me.

Knowing that I couldn't disobey Sam's orders, I stayed hidden in the forest, following her just out of her sight. She seemed to know someone was following her, her head turning often in my direction as she looked fearfully out into the dim light of the forest around her. I began to worry that she wouldn't be able to make it out of the forest before dark, but she finally begins to get her bearings and starts using the compass correctly - laying it on the ground every few minutes to check her direction like I taught her. She finally arrives at the parking lot and I watch as she stumbles into the orange Chevy and heads back to Forks.


	5. Truth

**Chapter 5: Truth**

I couldn't stop seeing Bella's terrified face in the meadow. It was there every time I closed my eyes, tormenting me and mocking me in my sleep. I couldn't help wondering how she rationalized to herself what she saw.

The others were thrilled about the hunt. Billy was proud of me and told me so incessantly, trying to make me feel better. But it didn't help. And neither did the fact that everyone kept telling me how "good" I was at this. How I was able to control my … "episodes" … for the lack of a better word, better than anyone else. It took Sam half a year to get to the point where I already was in two weeks.

Regardless, now that we finally had a notch under our belts, we were pumped. Which was good, because the red-haired vampire was back. And so our hunt continued. We half-expected her to come seek us out, since our legends had always said that vampire mates were strongly attached to each other and would seek revenge. But she seemed to play by her own rules, dancing around the edges of the reservation, as if she were looking for a way around us and into Forks.

And that made me worry even more about Bella. She seemed to attract vampires wherever she went, so I started sleeping in the woods outside her house at nights, just in case. I caught glimpses of her through the windows, eating dinner with Charlie and doing homework in the living room. I also watched as she called me and left messages. One evening, I watched as she picked up the phone every half hour, only to slam it down in frustration after a few minutes. It hurt to watch. But it was hard to know which hurt more. Witnessing the pain that I had caused her or worrying about the day that she would stop calling.

Sam tolerated my stalking, as long as I participated fully in patrols and kept up appearances at school. But one thing he wouldn't tolerate was my wanting to see her, even though I was growing confident that I could handle it. I also started thinking that Bella might be able to handle this too – whatever it is that I am. She could accept a bloodsucker, why not a werewolf? But whenever I mentioned it to Sam, his eyes would darken with pain and regret, and I could tell that he was thinking about Emily. And it silenced me better than anything he could have said.

But Bella was persistent. Which was one of the things that I loved about her. Once she wanted something, she would hold on to it with everything she had. And deep-down, I couldn't help thanking the gods that she thought that I was something – someone - worth holding on to.

I didn't realize how persistent she could be, until two days after the hunt, while hanging out at my house, we heard the rumbling sound of a familiar Chevy coming down the street. The rest of the pack immediately started heading out the back door, but I couldn't move. My heart was in my throat as I stood there, frozen in the doorway, unsure of whether I should be running to her or away from her.

"Jacob. Don't."

I jumped when Sam grabbed my arm to shake me out of my trance. The others gathered around him, their faces ranging from annoyance (Paul) to pity (Jared) to compassion (Embry).

"I should see her. I'll have to talk to her at some point,"I said softly to the others, though mostly to Sam.

Sam looked at me carefully. "No. Absolutely not. You know you can't see her, it's too dangerous…"

"I have to. I can't let her continue to …"My voice trailed off. I didn't know if she would continue calling and coming by. Surely, at some point, she would just stop.

Pushing that thought from my mind, I continued hoarsely, "I can't let her continue worrying about what happened to me. It's better if I tell her that it's over. I'll tell her to stop coming by. It'll be easier for everyone …."

Sam let out a long sigh. "Fine." But then – in that alpha voice that I had begun to detest– he ordered, "_But you cannot tell her the truth. And you must say whatever you have to in order to keep her away from now on."_

Our eyes met. I knew Sam hated to play Alpha with me – more than the others – but I knew that he was right. I saw Emily every day, tangible proof of what could happen in a split second.

The rain was pouring furiously, cold and stinging despite the fact that it was April. I tried to rehearse what to say, but my mind came up blank. What I was about to do seemed to go against every fiber within me. But it would be easiest for her – and for me – if I kept this quick. No details. I couldn't trust myself to keep up the act for any longer than I had to. So I would just tell her that she couldn't come by anymore, insinuate that she should take the hint when a guy wasn't interested. I knew her well enough to know unerringly what buttons to push. The things that I needed to say that would make her unable to forgive me.

Embry patted me on the pack, bringing me back to reality.

"Let's get this over with," I muttered as I stepped out into the yard and walked around the side of the house.

Bella was sitting in the truck doodling as we approached, the loudness of the rain drowning out the sound of our footsteps. Not that there was much sound to drown out, we were pretty silent these days.

My heart wrenched at the sight of her scrawling rows of diamonds in a notebook. She looked tired and weary, almost the way she looked when she first started coming out here a few months ago. I could have stood there and watched her forever, but Sam coughed loudly and gave me a nudge. I rapped the door sharply.

Bella jumped, looking up at me in surprise as she rolled down the window.

"What are you doing here, Bella.'" I growled as my hands gripped the window frame. I needed something, anything to hold myself together, and I could feel the metal beginning to bend under the pressure.

I watched as she stared at me, taking in the new hair, the new muscles, and new attitude. She frowned, getting that adorable wrinkle in her forehead just above her nose. I expected to see fear and disappointment in her eyes, but instead I saw worry and defiance.

"Jacob?" she asked softly.

I stared at her, forcing myself to stay tense and angry. This is for her safety, I reminded myself.

She looked away from suddenly and her eyes fell on the others. Her eyes widened as she took them in – the hostility that I was sure was in all of their eyes. And then she locked eyes with Sam, who I knew had his "Alpha face" on – that serene and impenetrable glare that said that he was in control of the situation. And he was. I would do what he said. Not only because he had ordered me to. But because I knew that it was the best thing to do for Bella.

Bella continued to glare at Sam when suddenly, something hit her and she looked away quickly, and a familiar expression came back onto her face. She wrapped her arms around herself, as if she were trying to hold the pieces of herself together. I knew that expression and that gesture all too well. It was what happened when she thought about Cullen – the damn leech. I didn't need to pretend to be hostile now.

"What do you want, Bella?" I demanded angrily.

"I want to talk to you," she said weakly.

"Go ahead."

"Alone," she demanded, even though I could see that she was visibly torn up by my behavior.

I turned to look at Sam and he nodded once, his face unperturbed.

"We won't listen, but don't forget – you must do whatever you have to in order to keep her away," he said swiftly in Quileute.

And then he turned, followed by the others, and walked into the house where Billy was watching anxiously from the window. Sam didn't bother to wait to make sure I understood him. I turned my head back to her when I knew they had all entered the house.

"Okay." I ratcheted down the anger in my voice now that they were gone.

She took a deep breath. "You know what I want to know."

I continued to stare at her – my head running through hundreds of things –none of which I could tell her. The concern on her face unnerved me, but I forced my expression to remain the same. It was surprising how easy it was to wear a mask. I had been wearing one the past two weeks and it really seemed second-nature to me.

"Can we walk?" she finally asked softly.

I didn't respond, but she pushed open the car door and walked out towards the trees. The rain was coming down hard and she didn't have an umbrella, but she didn't seem to care as she stumbled through the mud.

I followed her, staying as close as I could, in case she slipped. But who was I fooling. I was staying close because I couldn't bear to be away. This was quite possibly my last chance to be near her and I wasn't going to let that slip away.

She walked all the way to the edge of the forest, away from any prying eyes that might have been watching from the house. Torn between needing to pull the band-aid off quickly and not wanting to end this – our last meeting for a long time – I walked silently behind her. But as we passed a hollowed-up tree, it brought back my memory of Sam's memory – where he had curled up for two days after Emily's "accident." I relived the pain, the agony, the utter fear of hurting the one you love the most.

I was being a coward. I had to do this. I picked up my pace, moving past her before swinging around abruptly to face her.

"Let's get this over with," I said in a hard voice.

She waited, her eyes both angry and hurt as she waited for an explanation.

"It's not what you think." I said wearily, knowing that she thought that I was now part of Sam's gang. She was partially right. It just wasn't a gang. "It's not what I thought–I was way off."

"So what is it, then?" she demanded angrily.

I studied her face for a long time, desperately wanting to tell her the truth. But I couldn't say the words. Sam's orders rang true.

"I can't tell you," I finally admitted.

Her jaw tightened. "I thought we were friends," she ground out through her teeth.

"We were." There could be no doubt where the emphasis was in that statement.

"But you don't need friends anymore," she said sourly. "You have Sam. Isn't that nice–you've always looked up to him so much."

"I didn't understand him before."

"And now you've seen the light. Hallelujah." She laughed bitterly

"It wasn't like I thought it was. This isn't Sam's fault. He's helping me as much as he can," I said brittlely.

"He's helping you," she repeated dubiously. "Naturally."

I felt my emotions – frustration, anguish, pain – begin to rage out of control, triggering a familiar prickling under my skin. My hands shook as I forced myself to take deep breaths and calm down. I didn't want to feel the slightest inkling of that uncontrollable rage anywhere within the vicinity of Bella.

"Jacob, please," she whispered "Won't you tell me what happened? Maybe I can help."

"No one can help me now," I choked up, when I realized how true that statement was. There was nothing in this world that could change what had happened. I was a werewolf. Until I died. End of story.

"What did he do to you?" she demanded. I could see the tears glistening in her eyes, as she reached out to me with her arms wide open as if to give me a hug.

"No, don't touch me!" I stammered as I backed away. I held my hands up defensively. This was hard enough, but if she touched me – I knew I would lose it entirely. Maybe they were right, I wasn't ready for this.

"Is Sam catching?" she asked as tears began to escape from the corners of her eyes. She wiped them away and folded her arms against her chest, mirroring my stance.

"Stop blaming Sam," I cursed myself as I watched her tears flow freely now.

"Then who should I blame?" she retorted angrily.

I laughed angrily. I couldn't help it. ""You don't want to hear that."

"The hell I don't!" she snapped, angrier than I ever thought she could possibly be. "I want to know, and I want to know now."

"You're wrong," I snapped back, more harshly than I had intended.

"Don't you dare tell me I'm wrong–I'm not the one who got brainwashed! Tell me now whose fault this all is, if it's not your precious Sam!"

"You asked for it," I ground on. "If you want to blame someone, why don't you point your finger at those filthy, reeking bloodsuckers that you love so much?"

Her mouth fell open. I felt as if I had taken a knife and driven it straight into her, and then into myself. Seeing the pain in her eyes made my skin tingle and my head spin – rage at myself for doing this to her and rage at her for having had anything to do with the leeches to begin with.

"I don't understand who you mean," she whispered brokenly.

I raised one eyebrow in disbelief. "I think you understand exactly who I mean. You're not going to make me say it, are you? I don't like hurting you."

"I don't understand who you mean," she repeated mechanically.

"The Cullens," I said slowly, drawing out every syllable, scrutinizing her face as I said it. "I saw that–I can see in your eyes what it does to you when I say their name."

She shook her head back and forth. I could see the emotions play across her face. She had always been so easy to read for me, but I wished now that I couldn't. It hurt too much to watch concern for the Cullens flash all over her face and to fully realize that she had known all along what they truly were.

"Don't tell me you're listening to Billy's superstitious nonsense now," she said feebly after a long time.

"He knows more than I gave him credit for."

"Be serious, Jacob."

I glared at her. She was accusing me of not being serious?

"Superstitions aside," she continued quickly. "I still don't see what you're accusing the... Cullens…of. They left more than half a year ago. How can you blame them for what Sam is doing now?"

"Sam isn't doing anything, Bella. And I know they're gone. But sometimes… things are set in motion, and then it's too late."

"What's set in motion? What's too late? What are you blaming them for?"

I couldn't believe that she was defending them. After all this, she was defending them. I was suddenly in her face, the fury in me spiking as I listened to her defend the bloodsucking leeches. After all that they did to her. And to me.

"For existing," I snapped. I stumbled when I realized that I was right in her face. I jerked myself back in horror, clenching my eyes shut as I counted to ten. "Fine," I continued, taking deep breaths. "I won't argue with you. It doesn't matter anyway, the damage is done." I had to get out of here. Now.

"What damage?" she pressed on, her eyes wide with confusion and frustration.

"Let's head back. There's nothing more to say," I said abruptly and I strode past her towards the house.

She gaped. "There's everything more to say! You haven't said anything yet!"

I ignored her and continued walking.

"I ran into Quil today," she yelled at me. I could hear her fumbling footsteps as she tried to keep pace.

I paused misstep, but didn't stop. Quil had seen us disappear into the forest earlier this afternoon and had followed us, stumbling around the forest for an hour shouting our names. No matter how hard we tried, Embry and I couldn't shut out the sound of his voice.

"You remember your friend, Quil? Yeah, he's terrified."

I whirled around to face her. I knew how hard it had been when Embry had disappeared, but at least I had Quil. And now, both of us were … my face grimaced with pain as I let the thoughts flood through me.

"Quil"

"He's worried about you, too. He's freaked out."

I stared past her desperately, too scared to meet her eyes. I couldn't do this. I couldn't be here right now.

She continued, "He's frightened that he's next."

I grabbed a tree as I muttered, ""He won't be can't be. It's over now. This shouldn't still be happening. Why? Why?" I slammed my fist against the tree and it snapped instantly – as if it were a twig. I hadn't even realized I was doing it. Shocked into action by my lack of control, I whirled away, desperate to get back to where the others could see us.

"I have to get back." This was too risky. Sam was right. I wasn't as in control of myself as I thought.

"Back to Sam!"

"That's one way of looking at it," I said as I strode away from her quickly.

"Wait!" she called scrambling to keep up.

I spun around to face her, my hands shaking and quivering with all of the emotions running through me. Mustering all of my strength, I willed myself to just get it over with. "Go home, Bella. I can't hang out with you anymore."

Tears welled up in her face, "Are you… breaking up with me?" she choked out.

I laughed bitterly. "Hardly. If that were the case, I'd say 'Let's stay friends.' I can't even say that."

"Jacob… why? Sam won't let you have other friends? Please, Jake. You promised. I need you!"

_Say whatever you have to say_. Sam's voice floated through my head.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I said, pronouncing each word as distinctly as I could. I stared at her – willing her to read between the lines and see that I had no choice in what I was saying.

Her face fell in anguish and then I heard her choke out softly, "I'm sorry that I couldn't… before… I wish I could change how I feel about you, Jacob." The tears continued to roll down her cheeks. "Maybe… maybe I would change. Maybe, if you gave me some time…just don't quit on me now, Jake. I can't take it."

Her face crumpled as she begged. My bravado deflated immediately. My hands felt numb as I reached out to grab her shoulders. "No. Don't think like that, Bella, please. Don't blame yourself, don't think this is your fault. This one is all me. I swear, it's not about you."

"It's not you, it's me," she whispered. "There's a new one."

"I mean it, Bella. I'm not…" I struggled to find the words. "I'm not good enough to be your friend anymore, or anything else. I'm not what I was before. I'm not good."

"What?" she almost shouted at me. "What are you saying? You're much better than I am, Jake. You are good! Who told you that you aren't? Sam? It's a vicious lie, Jacob! Don't let him tell you that!"

I wish it were a lie. But I knew it was true. I could feel it – even now – in the prickly fiery rage that was barely contained under my skin. "No one had to tell me anything. I know what I am."

"You're my friend, that's what you are! Jake–don't!"

I started to back away from her towards the house. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take this. I had to get away. I needed to phase – I was inches away from losing control.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I whispered softly. And then I turned and dashed into the house – straight through the hall and out the back door that Billy had left open. He had known that I would need the escape. I took off into the forest, tearing off my clothes as soon as I reached the trees, desperately seeking the protection of my wolf brain where this wouldn't hurt as much. I phased immediately and took off running. But it didn't make a difference.


	6. Intruder

**Chapter 6: Intruder**

I didn't want to think. And mostly, I didn't want to feel. And so I kept running. Letting the repetitive motion of placing one foot in front of the next drown out any thoughts, any emotions, and any tears. But it didn't help.

It also didn't help that there was no damn privacy as a wolf. As hard as I tried, I couldn't completely tune out the rest of the pack. Their voices infiltrated my head like a crappy radio station that I couldn't turn off.

"_Not sure what he sees in her … she's kinda pale and skinny AND she kisses leeches ..."_

"_Shut up, Paul. Leave him alone."_

"_Oooh, I'm scared, Call. I guess Black needs you to fight his battles for him, huh?"_

"_Shove it, you two!"_

"_Hey man, whose side are you on, Jared?"_

"_Yours, but Sam won't be happy if he hears you guys talking like this."_

"_Who died and made you BETA, huh?"_

"_Well I was the second one to phase, so I'm the obvious choice."_

"_No way. I'm bigger and stronger, I should totally be the BETA."_

"_Right. But you're also dumb as a box of rocks, so that counts against you."_

"_Shut up, Embry."_

"_Make me, Meraz."_

"_Don't tempt me!"_

"_Hey guys , I think I smell Emily's blueberry muffins!"_

"_Sw-eet! Eat my dirt, Call!"_

Did I mention that you really don't ever want to hear people's inner thoughts? Trust me. Listening to that for hours on end was enough to make you want to shoot myself. Thank God for Emily's blueberry muffins.

I felt the other wolves phase back as they reached Emily's house and suddenly, my mind was my own again. No buzzing of other voices running like non-stop annoying shock-jock commentary in the back of the mind. No constant self-editing so that I wouldn't give too away about how I was feeling. Weak with relief and exhaustion, I stopped running and slumped down in a grassy knoll to think.

Even though I had been calling myself a monster for weeks, today was the first day that I truly felt like one. I couldn't stop replaying the memory of Bella from this afternoon, her eyes wet with tears and dull with pain, pain that I caused as I broke my promise to her. Just like that bloodsucker. I was no better than he was.

"_But I am better!"_ I argued to myself. I didn't have a choice! I didn't want to hurt her. Saying all those things this afternoon was the hardest thing I had ever done. I had to fight every instinct and every natural reaction in order to force myself to say the things that would keep her safe.

In some ways, it was good that Sam had ordered me not to tell her. I didn't know if I would have been strong enough otherwise to do the right thing. I didn't want to do to Bella what Sam did to Emily. But I wondered if I didn't scar Bella today just as much as Sam had scarred Emily. It was just a different type of scar.

Lost in my thoughts, the evening turned into night. I felt the wind pick up, a sure sign that a serious storm was about to roll in. I got up reluctantly and began to head home. A cold light drizzle began to come down, so I quickened my steps and broke into a full-out sprint.

Just as I arrived home, I felt the others start to phase back in time for the night patrol. I was supposed to work tonight, but I figured that Sam would cut me some slack just this once. I phased immediately, not wanting to give up the peace and quiet of my mind just yet. But as I reached the back door, I saw Billy reading in the kitchen, waiting up for me.

I wasn't ready to talk. Not yet. And so I snuck around the side of the house into the garage, where I grabbed the Harley Sprint and walked it halfway down the street, before revving the engine and taking off into the night.

Biking was really the closest equivalent to what running as a wolf felt like. The coolness of the night air combined with freshness of the misting rain was soothing. I hopped onto the 101 without thinking about where I was going. But I wasn't surprised when I found myself pulling up to Bella's street ten minutes later.

I cut the engine as soon as I pulled onto her street to avoid waking the neighbors and I sat on the bike for what felt like hours - debating, rationalizing, trying to justify what I was about to do.

I just wanted to see her, I told myself. To make sure she was okay. After all, Sam didn't technically forbid me to see her. He just said that I couldn't tell her the truth.

I couldn't stand knowing that I hurt her. I just had to try to do something – anything – to make her feel better. It would be so much easier if she just knew the truth. That all of this really had nothing to do with her and everything to do with me. It was stupid for her to be suffering when there was no real reason for it. In fact, once she found out the truth, she might not want to hang out with me anymore. The thought pained me. But it was better than knowing that she was in pain.

Suddenly, like the proverbial lightening bolt, I realized that Bella already knew the truth. She just didn't know that it was true. That day at the beach, I told her all of our legends. Including the ones about werewolves. It was ingenious. She already knew what had happened - I just needed to push her in the right direction so that she would realize it.

Buoyed by my plan, I left the Harley Sprint hidden in the trees and jogged the rest of the way to her house. The lights were out, which made sense since it was probably close to midnight. But I knew that Bella's room faced the front while Charlie's room faced the back. A large spruce tree stood in the front yard, large enough to reach the second floor, but still young enough that its lowest branches were still reachable.

Gripping the lowest branch, I swung myself up easily. I hadn't climbed a tree since I was about 10, but this wolf thing had its perks. I pulled myself up to the second floor without breaking a sweat and peered into Bella's dark bedroom. I could barely make out Bella, a tiny bump under a gigantic purple quilt. I chuckled quietly as I leaned over and tapped softly on the window.

I saw her stir slightly in her sleep, so I leaned over again – pulling the spruce tree towards the house with all my weight – and tapped again.

"Bella! Bella!" I whispered loudly praying that Charlie wouldn't catch me.

Suddenly, I felt the spruce branch I was holding onto buckling under my weight. I quickly swung to another branch, but not before the original branch snapped and giving me a nasty cut down the entire length of my arm. It was a good thing werewolves healed fast.

"Ouch! Damn it, open the window! OUCH!"

I heard the sound of Bella getting out of bed and rushing to the window. Just as I pulled myself level to the window again, it flew open – almost smashing me in the face.

"Jacob, what are you doing?" Bella gasped, her eyes wide with shock and worry.

"I'm trying to keep-" I huffed as the new branch began to buckle under my weight and I had to quickly switch branches again. I was beginning to feel like George of the Jungle here. "-my promise!"

"Are you crazy? When did you ever promise to kill yourself by falling out of my tree?" she hissed at me, more awake now.

I snorted as I swung my legs around to improve my balance. "Get out of the way!"

"What?"

"Get out of the way!"

"No, Jake!" Bella protested. But she moved just in time, as I swung my legs, pushed off of the tree trunk, and catapulted myself neatly – and softly with a low thud - into her room.

We both stood there for a moment as we stared at the door, dreading the sound of Charlie's footsteps. But a few moments passed and then we heard the distinct sound of Charlie still snoring away blissfully.

I grinned. Not bad. Not bad. Having wolf senses was finally paying off. At least there were a few good perks about being half-wolf half-man.

But then I looked at Bella and I stopped smiling. Her skin was blotchy. Her eyes were dull. And her nose was red – she had clearly cried herself to sleep. She crossed her arms over her chest, hugging herself as she often did when she was hurting, and tried to stare me down. But I could see the cracks in her bravado, the trembling of her hands, the glassiness in her eyes, and the tense tilt to her chin. This is why I had come. Bella was hurt. And I was good at making her happy. Except, of course, this time, I was the one who had hurt her.


	7. Secret

**Chapter 7: Secret**

Blinking back her tears, Bella suddenly pushed me with all her strength. "Get out!"

I didn't move, but I felt my jaw drop in shock at the anger in her voice.

"No … no" I protested. "I came to apologize."

"I don't accept!" She shoved me again towards the window. If the situation wasn't so tense, I would have laughed. Even though I knew that she was pushing me with all of her strength, it was like a kitten nudging you to get you out of its favorite chair.

She pushed me one more time before giving up. She dropped her hands and instead, crossed her arms protectively around herself as she stepped back. The air blowing throw the window felt warm to me, but I could see that it made her shiver in her thin knit tanktop and pajamas.

Suddenly, I realized that we both standing in her room, in the middle of the night, with very little clothes on. I had forgotten to bring a t-shirt so I was just wearing cutoffs and I could still feel the cool touch of Bella's hands against my bare chest. And I knew she wasn't immune either. She kept glancing furtively at me, taking in all the physical changes that had occurred in the past few weeks. I looked down, self-conscious suddenly. I saw her gingerly flex her hands as if they had been burned by my touch.

Bella shivered again as another cool breeze came through the window. Her tank-top and pajamas left little to the imagination and I felt my face flush and my entire body warming up in response. But I leaned over and closed the window.I didn't need more provocation.

When I turned back around, it was just in time to see Bella sway unsteadily on her feet.

"Bella?"

Catching her by the elbow before she fell flat on her face, I steered her back to the bed. She seemed unable to walk without stumbling and I almost picked her up, before realizing that probably wasn't a good idea given our current state of partial undress. I sat her down on the mattress and hunkered down next to her to prevent her from crumpling into a limp ball on the floor.

"Hey, are you okay?" I asked as I began to worry that maybe she was sick or something too.

Bella looked up at me wearily. I could still see the traces of tears on her cheeks. "Why in the world would I be okay, Jacob?"

"Oh right." That's right. I forgot. I've been an *sshole to you the past few weeks. "Crap. Well… I–I'm so sorry, Bella."

"Why did you come here? I don't want apologies from you, Jake."

"I know," I whispered. "But I couldn't leave things the way I did this afternoon. That was horrible. I'm sorry."

She shook her head as she looked away from me. "I don't understand anything."

"I know," I paused as I tried to figure out how to best do this. "I want to explain–" I broke off suddenly. It was as if one moment I was talking and the next moment someone had cut off my windpipe. I literally couldn't say the next words that were coming out of my mouth. Damn Sam and his Alpha status. I took a deep breath and continued, "But I can't explain. I wish I could."

She put her head down in her arms, still refusing to meet my eye. "Why?"

God damn*t. There had to be some way around his injunction. But every time I tried to open my mouth, it was the same feeling. As if someone had their hands wrapped around my throat, cutting off my breath and making it impossible for me to utter the slightest sound.

Bella twisted her head to look at me closely now. I could tell that she was confused by my clenched teeth and strained expression. "What's wrong?"

I exhaled heavily in defeat. "I can't do it."

"Do what?"

I ignored her question. "Look, Bella, haven't you ever had a secret that you couldn't tell anyone?"

I turned and forced her to look up at me, daring her to lie to me again about the Cullens. She flushed guiltily, but didn't dispute me.

"Something you felt like you had to keep from Charlie, from your mom… ?" I pressed on. "Something you won't even talk about with me? Not even now?"

She didn't answer me, but we both knew what she was thinking about.

"Can you understand that I might have the same kind of…" I was going to say secret, but once again, San's injunction wouldn't let me get out the words. "… the same kind of … situation? Sometimes, loyalty gets in the way of what you want to do. Sometimes, it's not your story to tell."

I could tell that she understood what I was saying, even if she didn't want to acknowledge it. "I don't know why you came here, Jacob, if you were just going to give me riddles instead of answers."

"I'm sorry, this is so frustrating." I whispered as I bent down to kiss her forehead lightly. Her cool little hand found its way into mine and we sat for a long time in the dark room in silence.

I couldn't believe how close we were and yet how distant we were at the same time. The part that killed me was that she already knew everything. I had already told her everything!

"What are you talking about?" Bella asked suddenly.

I sucked in a startled breath. I hadn't realized that I had said that out loud. But suddenly, it gave me hope. Okay, so Sam's injunction prevented me from saying anything directly. But if I could just jog her memory. Help her put together the pieces. That wouldn't be breaking the command at all.

I leaned over and grabbed her arms firmly to turn her towards me. She lifted her head and looked at me, her eyes raking my face for an answer. Any answer.

"I think I see a way to make this work out–because you know this, Bella! I can't tell you, but if you guessed it! That would let me right off the hook!"

"You want me to guess? Guess what?" She stared at me blankly.

"My … situation! You can do it–you know the answer!"

She blinked hard and shook her head as if to clear her thoughts. She looked tired and I suddenly felt bad for forcing this onto her in the middle of the night. But I knew that I wouldn't have many more chances to talk to her alone.

"Hold on, let me see if I can give you some help …" I struggled to find the words to continue. It took a lot of effort, because every time I wanted to say something, my windpipe froze up. I tried and stopped a dozen times without success.

"Help?" Bella prodded.

"Yeah," I said taking deep measured breaths. "Like clues."

I took her face into my hands and held it a few inches from mine. I stared fiercely at her, willing her to read between the lines. You know me, Bella. Don't just listen to what I say. Read my face. You've always been able to do that well.

"Remember the first day we met–on the beach in La Push?"

"Of course I do," she responded automatically.

"Tell me about it," I said calmly, relieved that the words were able to come out.

Bella took a deep breath and tried to concentrate. "You asked about my truck…"

I nodded, urging her on.

"We talked about the Rabbit…"

"Keep going."

"We went for a walk down the beach…" Her cheeks were growing warm under my palms as her brain started churning. I nodded anxiously for her to continue.

"You told me scary stories… Quileute legends."

Yes! She remembered. I was half-afraid that she wouldn't remember. That the day on the beach that meant so much to me meant nothing to her. I closed my eyes to say a quick prayer of thanks and then opened them again.

"Yes, " I said, slowly and distinctly, wanting her to think carefully about what I had told her. "Do you remember what I said?"

Her face turned pink and then red. And then she looked away. The Cullens. Of course that was the first thing that she thought about.

I gently turned her face back towards me. "Think hard."

"Yes, I remember."

I inhaled deeply. "Do you remember all the stor-" I couldn't finish. I had pushed it too far and this time, it felt as if I was choking to death. For a few scary seconds, I couldn't breathe at all.

Bella's face was strained with worry as she watched me struggle to catch my breath. "All the stories?"

I nodded mutely, trying to just get air back into my lungs. She nodded in response and I could see that she was desperately jogging her memory. But her face fell and she started to shake her head at me.

I groaned and jumped off the bed. I pressed my fists against my forehead and told myself to count to ten. "You know this, you know this," I muttered quietly but angrily.

"Jake? Jake, please, I'm exhausted. I'm no good at this right now. Maybe in the morning…"

I sighed and turned to look at her. "Maybe it will come back to you. I guess I understand why you only remember the one story," I added bitterly before I could help it. I plunked back onto the bed next to her. "Do you mind if I ask you a question about that? I've been dying to know."

"A question about what?" she asked warily as she leaned away from me slightly.

"About the vampire story I told you."

She stared me, her usually open face now tense and guarded.

"Did you honestly not know?" I asked coldly. "Was I the one who told you what he was?"

She stared back at me, silent but shaken. I could see the wheels churning in her head, wondering how I knew. Wondering why I believed in the stories now. And above all, wondering if I would somehow harm the Cullens.

I laughed bitterly at that. It was either that or cry. "See what I mean about loyalty?" I murmured, "It's the same for me, only worse. You can't imagine how tight I'm bound…" My voice broke. It was too painful to continue.

Bella caught her breath. She got up from the bed and walk towards me, her eyes glassy with unshed tears. Her hand reached up to play with my hair where it met the nape of my neck. Her touch was cool but gentle, and I couldn't help turning into her open embrace.

"Isn't there any way for you to get free?" she whispered tenderly, her eyes full of tears and compassion.

My hands began to tremble and I looked away before my eyes filled with tears. "No. I'm in this for life. A life sentence." Although apparently, if I never learned to control the rage, I might never be able to permanently phase out, so I'd be a werewolf forever. Great. Immortality as a monster. "Longer, maybe."

"What if we ran away?" she asked urgently as she broke away from me and began to pace back and forth. "What if we ran away? Just you and me. What if we left home, and left Sam behind?"

"It's not something I can run away from, Bella," I moved to cradle her face in my hands once again. "But I would run with you, though, if I could."

I stared into her beautiful brown eyes and let the moment sink into me. In the years to come, no matter what happened between me and Bella, I would remember this moment. The warm coziness of her bedroom. They way she held me to her tightly. The way she gazed at me with worry and love. Not just friendship. I knew that Bella loved me at some level. Even if she couldn't admit it to herself just yet. No matter what happened, I would always have this memory to sustain me.

Then I sighed, my whole body shaking from the tension of being so close to everything that I had ever wanted. And yet so infinitely far. I took a deep breath.

"Look, I've got to leave."

"Why?"

"For one thing, you look like you're going to pass out at any second. You need your sleep–I need you firing on all pistons. You're going to figure this out, you have to."

"And why else?" she persisted defiantly. She was a smart cookie. I knew she could read my face.

"I had to sneak out–I'm not supposed to see you," I admitted with a wry smile. "They've got to be wondering where I am. I suppose I should go let them know."

"You don't have to tell them anything," she hissed.

I chuckled. She had no idea that I didn't have a choice. The minute I phased again, the secret would be out. "All the same, I will."

Bella looked up at me suddenly, fire blazing in her eyes again. "I hate them!"

I looked at her, surprised at the depth of her reaction. I sighed wearily. "No, Bella. Don't hate the guys. It's not Sam's or any of the others' faults. I told you before–it's me. Sam is actually… well, incredibly cool. Jared and Paul are great, too, though Paul is kind of… And Embry's always been my friend. Nothing's changed there–the only thing that hasn't changed. I feel really bad about the things I used to think about Sam…Sam's actually been really cool about all of this."

She glared at me, disbelief written all over her face.

"Then why aren't you supposed to see me?" she demanded.

"It's not safe," I muttered looking anywhere but at her. "If I thought it was too… too risky, I wouldn't have come. But Bella," I paused to take her hands. "I made you a promise. I had no idea it would be so hard to keep, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try."

She stared at me blankly.

"After that stupid movie," I prodded gently. "I promised you that I wouldn't ever hurt you… So I really blew it this afternoon, didn't I?"

"I know you didn't want to do it, Jake. It's okay." Her voice was barely a whisper.

"Thanks, Bella." I squeezed her hands "I'm going to do what I can to be here for you, just like I promised."

I grinned suddenly at her. It was the first time in weeks that I had felt like myself. Like my TRUE self. "It would really help if you could figure this out on your own, Bella. Put some honest effort into it."

She made a weak grimace. "I'll try."

"And I'll try to see you soon." If Sam doesn't forbid me to see you after this, I thought. "And they'll try to talk me out of that." I hedged in case I wouldn't be able to sneak out again.

"Don't listen to them."

"I'll try." I shrugged. I couldn't do anything about it if Sam ordered differently. "Come and tell me as soon as you figure it out." And then I remembered that she may not want to see me after she realized what I was. "If you… if you want to, that is."

"Why wouldn't I want to see you?"

I laughed bitterly. "Oh, I can think of a reason," I said harshly. "Look, I really have to go. Could you do something for me? At least call me–if you don't want to see me again. Let me know if it's like that."

"That won't happen–"

I raised one hand, cutting her off. She didn't know the truth yet. "Just let me know."

I patted her other hand as I released it and walked towards the window. I didn't want to dwell on this anymore.

"Don't be an idiot, Jake," she complained. "You'll break your leg. Use the door. Charlie's not going to catch you."

"I won't get hurt," I muttered as I opened the window wide.

I hesitated. It had finally sunk in that this could very well be the last time I ever saw Bella again. Because once Sam found out what I had done, he might forbid me to see her again. And once Bella figured out what I was, she might never want to see me again. The pain of this goodbye sliced through me like a buttered knife, sharp and fluid. I turned to look at her one last time.

I held a hand out to her. Bella responded instantly, moving towards me and taking my hand with both of hers. I pulled her against me, hard, crushing her in bear hug. I knew I was hugging her too tightly, but I couldn't help it.

"Just in case," I muttered as I breathed in the scent of her strawberry-scented hair one last time and lost myself in the feel of her embrace.

"Can't–breathe!" she gasped finally.

I dropped her at once, holding her by the waist so that she didn't collapse. And then I pushed her, gently, back down on the bed.

"Get some sleep, Bells. You've got to get your head working. I know you can do this. I need you to understand. I won't lose you, Bella. Not for this."

I bent and kissed her forehead softly. And then I went the open window and slipped out quietly, not bothering to climb down the spruce tree, but jumping the full two flights to the ground. I landed with a soft thud.

When I turned to look back up at the window, I saw that Bella had gotten out of bed and was watching me. She waved her hand silently. I nodded. I was suddenly hopeful for the first time in weeks.


	8. Misunderstanding

**Chapter 8: Misunderstanding**

I was out like a light that night, falling asleep almost instantaneously. The drama of the day had drained me entirely. I slept until late next morning when the sunshine coming through the window finally penetrated my fog. I stumbled into the shower half-asleep and was marginally more awake afterwards when I stumbled into the kitchen in search of food.

Billy was sitting at the kitchen table with the paper. He nodded towards the stove where some scrambled eggs and bacon were cooling in the skillet. I threw some bread into the toaster and scarfed down the eggs directly from the pan while I waited. The toaster finally dinged and I barely bothered to slather on some jam before shoveling it into my mouth. I was ravenous these days. I could eat my bodyweight and still feel hungry.

I felt Billy's eyes on me while I ate, but I didn't acknowledge it. I didn't want to deal just yet. When I finally finished all the foot – putting the empty skillet into the sink – I stretched lazily, I finally looked over at him, my brain still foggy from sleep. Billy's face was calm and controlled, but his eyes were dark.

"Someone came by to see you this morning while you were asleep."

"Yeah?"

"I didn't want to wake you."

"Sam would have said if it was important enough to wake me –"

"- It wasn't Sam," Billy cut me off sharply.

"Okay," I said slowly. "So who was it?"

For a second there, I thought Billy wasn't going to tell me. He sighed heavily before he spoke. "Bella came by just after dawn this morning. She was anxious to see you."

I straightened up abruptly, all traces of the morning sleepiness gone. I was hyper-alert as I stared him down, trying to read between the lines for some answer as to how Bella had acted or behaved.

"She wanted to see you urgently." Billy continued, "She said that she 'understood now.'" Billy raised his hands to make quotation marks. "But I didn't want to wake you. And so she left."

I stood up immediately, turning to head out the door. Bella had figured it out! And she still wanted to see me! I could barely contain the heady wave of relief.

"Jake, wait!" Billy called just as I was about to step out the door. I turned towards him reluctantly. "Are you sure about what you're doing?"

"Yes," I replied emphatically without breaking eye contact.

"Jake," he said again louder and more demanding this time. "Are you sure? I know you. And I know that you could never live with yourself if you hurt her. I know you're good at controlling …"

"Dad, I know," I said trying hard not to let my own fear show through. "I know, but I _need_ to do this."

Billy and I stared at each other for a long time.

"Okay." Billy looked away as he picked up his paper again. "She's waiting for you by First Beach."

I nodded as I headed out the door. I took off into the forest at full-speed. It would have been faster if I phased, but I didn't want to share what had happened just yet. I needed to know how Bella felt before I dealt with Sam and the others.

I ran through the forest hugging the shoreline. It was the perfect spring morning. The sun was shining brightly – or as brightly as it did here in La Push through the hazy mist. But off in the distance, I could see the inevitable clouds gathering over the water. They would roll in soon enough and we would be lucky if the rain held off until after lunch.

I knew exactly where to find Bella. She was at the white driftwood log where we had talked that first fateful day. She was facing away from me, staring off into the distance at the incoming clouds.

"Hi Bella."

She jumped at the sound of my voice. She clearly hadn't heard me coming. She turned quickly and blanched slightly at the sight of me. I didn't know what to make of her reaction so I kept my distance, shifting my weight from foot to foot anxiously.

"Jake?"

"Billy told me you came by–didn't take you very long, did it? I knew you could figure it out," I smiled warmly but tentatively.

"Yeah, I remember the right story now," she whispered, her eyes wary and guarded. We were quiet for a long time. I watched as she avoided my gaze, looking anywhere but at me. She didn't make a move to come closer to me and she had her arms wrapped around her, as if to shield herself from me.

I felt the smile slide off my face. Something was off here. I thought that by coming here, it meant that she was okay with the truth. But clearly that wasn't the case. The pain of her rejection shot through me, white hot in its intensity.

"You could have just called," I said harshly, unable to keep the anger out of my voice.

She nodded still avoiding my eyes. "I know."

I turned away from her and started pacing. I had to move or else I would lose it. "Why did you come?," I demanded without breaking my stride.

"I thought it would be better face-to-face."

I snorted. "Oh, much better."

"Jacob, I have to warn you–"

"About the rangers and the hunters? Don't worry about it. We already know," I scoffed.

"Don't worry about it?" she demanded in disbelief. "Jake, they've got guns! They're setting traps and offering rewards and–"

"We can take care of ourselves," I dismissed, still pacing. "They're not going to catch anything. They're only making it more difficult–they'll start disappearing soon enough, too."

"Jake!" Bella's voice was strained.

"What? It's just a fact."

"How can you… feel that way? You know these people. Charlie's out there!"

What the heck was she talking about? I came to an abrupt stop and turned to take a closer look at her. Bella was angry – no doubt about that – but she also looked …. disgusted. That was the last straw. I felt my blood pressure spike and I had to clench my hands tightly to clamp down on the prickly heat racing through my veins.

I couldn't believe how this was turning out. I thought that she – of all people – would be okay with what I am. She had accepted a vampire. No, she had more than accepted him. She had loved him. She had given up everything for him. A bloodsucking leech who had killed hundreds of people. So what if he was non-practicing now. He and his family had killed in the past and they would kill again. It was in their nature.

And yet, she thought that _I_ was the monster. She looked at _me_ with fear and disgust barely disguised in her eyes. I felt my eyes begin to smart with tears of betrayal and anger. All of this time, the one thing that had kept me going throughout this nightmare was the belief that Bella would be stand by – if she knew. That she would understand. To have that dream snatched away was like being pushed head-first off a cliff into ice-cold water.

Moving towards her suddenly, unable to control myself, I retorted angrily, ""What more can we do?"

"Could you… well, try to _not _be a… werewolf?" she said softly but firmly, her eyes wide with fear but she wasn't going to back down.

I threw my hands up in the air in disgust. "Like I have a choice about it!" I shouted. "And how would that help anything, if you're worried about people disappearing?"

"I don't understand you."

I glared at her, my mouth twisting in anger as I took a step forward. "You know what makes me so mad I could just spit?"

She flinched away from me again which only just made me angrier.

"You're such a hypocrite, Bella–there you sit, _terrified _of me! How is that fair?"

"_Hypocrite_? How does being afraid of a monster make me a hypocrite?"

"Ugh!" My hands shook with anger, but I couldn't stop myself. I could feel the red haze beginning to take over. I pressed my firsts to my temples and squeezed my eyes shut. I counted to ten while I took deep measured breaths and forced myself to calm down. I would not hurt Bella, no matter how much she was hurting me.

"Would you listen to yourself?" Bella said suddenly. She took a few steps forward to confront me.

"What?" I looked up suddenly, losing the precious ground that I had gained over my rage. The fiery red heat broke through my defenses and spiraled through my body. I took two steps towards her. "Well, I'm so sorry that I can't be the _right _kind of monster for you, Bella. I guess I'm just not as great as a bloodsucker, am I?"

Bella didn't back down. She stepped towards me and shouted back, "No, you're not! It's not what you _are_, stupid, it's what you _do_!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I roared, barely holding on, my entire body quivering with rage.

Sensing my lack of control, Bella took a half-step back. But then, she shook her head resolutely and stepped forward again, but she was more composed now. And her voice was soft and even.

"Jacob," she pleaded. "Is it really necessary to _kill _people, Jacob? Isn't there some other way? I mean, if vampires can find a way to survive without murdering people, couldn't you give it a try, too?"

An electric shock went through me. What the heck did she just say?

"Killing people?" I repeated, unsure I had heard her correctly.

"What did you think we were talking about?"

Was it possible? Did she misunderstand? The red haze dissipated almost immediately as I allowed myself to hope again. _ "I _thought we were talking about your disgust for werewolves."

"No, Jake, no. It's not that you're a… wolf. That's fine," she said matter-of-factly. "If you could just find a way not to hurt people… that's all that upsets me. These are innocent people, Jake, people like Charlie, and I can't just look the other way while you–"

"Is that all? Really?" I interrupted her, a smile breaking across my face. She didn't hate me. She was okay with what I was. She just misunderstood what was going on. "You're just scared because I'm a murderer? That's the only reason?"

"Isn't that reason enough?"

My knees almost buckled with relief as I started to laugh.

"Jacob Black, this is _so _not funny!"

"Sure, sure," I agreed but I couldn't stop. Thank God. Thank God. I walked towards her and caught her in a tight bear hug. "You really, honestly don't mind that I morph into a giant dog?"

"No," she gasped. "Can't–breathe–Jake!"

I let her go, but took both her hands instead as I looked deep into her eyes. "I'm not a killer, Bella."

She studied my face skeptically at first, but then she seemed to collapse in relief against me. ""Really?"

"Really," I promised solemnly.

This time, she threw her arms around me in a tight bear-hug. I was thrown off-guard for a moment, just like I was the first time she hugged me that day with the motorcycles. But I wasn't going to complain. It was turning out to be a perfect morning. Even though I could see the clouds in the distance, it was still bright and warm on the beach right now. I buried my nose into her hair and inhaled the fresh strawberry scent. I smiled as I remembered last night and my fear that it would be our last meeting.

"Sorry I called you a hypocrite," I murmured softly into her ear as I wound my hands in her hair, playing softly with the silky strands.

"Sorry I called you a murderer," she replied, her voice slightly muffled against my chest.

I laughed and I could feel her chuckling in response. We stood there with our arms wrapped around each other and for that one moment, everything was right with the world.


	9. Understanding

**Chapter 9: Understanding**

Bella pulled out of our embrace suddenly so that she could see my face. Her eyes were worried again. "What about Sam? And the others?"

I shook my head and smiled. "Of course not. Don't you remember what we call ourselves?"

"Protectors?"

"Exactly."

"But I don't understand. What's happening in the woods? The missing hikers, the blood?"

My face fell. "We're trying to do our job, Bella. We're trying to protect them, but we're always just a little too late."

"Protect them from what? Is there really a bear out there, too?" Bella's forehead was furrowed in confusion.

I looked at her funny. "Bella, honey, we only protect people from one thing–our one enemy. It's the reason we exist–because they do."

She stared at me blankly for a few seconds, before realization dawned on her face. Then all the color drained from her face and a hoarse cry broke through her lips.

I reached out to steady her. "I thought you, of all people, would realize what was really going on."

"Laurent," she whispered so softly that I could barely hear her. "He's still here."

I blinked twice and cocked my head. "Who's Laurent?"

Bella paused and gulped before answering. "You know–you saw him in the meadow. You were there…" She looked up at me suddenly, understanding dawning in her eyes. "You were there, and you kept him from killing me…"

"Oh, the black-haired leech?" I grinned fiercely as I nodded my head. "Was that his name?"

"What were you thinking?" she almost shouted at me. "He could have killed you! Jake, you don't realize how dangerous–"

I laughed before I could help it. Her lack of faith in us would have been insulting if I wasn't so damn thrilled about how this morning was going. "Bella, one lone vampire isn't much of a problem for a pack as big as ours. It was so easy, it was hardly even fun!"

"What was so easy?" she asked in amazement.

"Killing the bloodsucker who was going to kill you. Now, I don't count that towards the

whole murder thing," I added quickly in case she was going to go there. "Vampires don't count as people."

"You… killed… Laurent?" Bella barely seemed to be able to get the words out. Her eyes were wide with disbelief and her body was rigid from shock.

I nodded. "Well, it was a group effort."

"Laurent is dead?" she whispered again with the strangest expression on her face.

"You're not upset about that, are you? He was going to kill you–he was going for the kill, Bella, we were sure of that before we attacked. You know that, right?"

"I know that. No, I'm not upset–I'm…" She stumbled and plopped back down on the driftwood log, in an attempt to gather her thoughts. "Laurent is dead. He's not coming back for me."

"You're not mad? He wasn't one of your friends –" I could barely get out that word. The thought of Bella being friends with a vampire was enough to set my blood boiling again, "-or anything, was he?"

"My friend?" she looked up at me, confused but definitely not angry. "No, Jake. I'm so… so _relieved_. I thought he was going to find me–I've been waiting for him every night, just hoping that he'd stop with me and leave Charlie alone. I've been so frightened, Jacob… But how? He was a vampire! How did you kill him? He was so strong, so hard, like marble…"

Thankful that we were on the same page, I sat down next to her and pulled her into my arms again.

"It's what we're made for, Bells. We're strong, too. I wish you would have told me that you were so afraid. You didn't need to be."

"You weren't around," she mumbled into my shoulder. It was a statement of fact, not an accusation.

"Oh, right."

"Wait, Jake–I thought you knew, though. Last night, you said it wasn't safe for you to be in my room. I thought you knew that a vampire might be coming. Isn't that what you were talking about?"

I was confused for a moment, then I remembered. "No, that's not what I meant."

"Then why didn't you think it was safe for you there?"

I looked up at her guiltily. I had to tell her the truth. She had to know the risks of hanging out with me. "I didn't say it wasn't safe for _me_. I was thinking of you."

"What do you mean?"

I looked away. "There's more than one reason I'm not supposed to be around you, Bella. I wasn't supposed to tell you our secret, for one thing, but the other part is that it's not safe for _you_. If I _get _too mad… too upset… you might get hurt."

Bella paused before asking, "When you were mad before… when I was yelling at you… and you were shaking… ?"

"Yeah." My face was growing hot in shame and self-disgust. "That was pretty stupid of me. I have to keep a better hold on myself. I swore I wasn't going to get mad, no matter what you said to me. But… I just got so upset that I was going to lose you… that you couldn't deal with what I am…"

"What would happen… if you got too mad?" she whispered as she grabbed my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

I turned to look at her. "I'd turn into a wolf," I whispered back, not letting her break eye contact. She needed to know the truth.

Her lips quirked a little as she asked, "You don't need a full moon?"

I rolled my eyes. "Hollywood's version doesn't get much right." But I sighed in relief. She didn't seem like she wanted to flee again. "You don't need to be so stressed out, Bells. We're going to take care of this. And we're keeping a special eye on Charlie and the others–we won't let anything happen to him. Trust me on that."

Bella's body suddenly went rigid and her jaw dropped, as if she had finally pieced something together. "Laurent is dead."

"Yes?" I responded anxiously, I thought we had just gone through this.

"If Laurent died… a week ago… then someone else is killing people _now_."

I nodded with my teeth clenched. The pack was getting pretty frustrated with our inability to catch the red-headed mate.

"There were two of them. We thought his mate would want to fight us–in our stories, they usually get pretty pissed off if you kill their mate–but she just keeps running away, and then coming back again. If we could figure out what she was after, it would be easier to take her down. But she makes no sense. She keeps dancing around the edges, like she's testing our defenses, looking for a way in–but _in _where? Where does she want to go? Sam thinks she's trying to separate us, so she'll have a better chance…"

All the color drained out of Bella's face. She slumped over and I caught her just before she would have slipped off the log. Her whole body was convulsing and shaking like a leaf.

"Bella! What's wrong?"

"Victoria," she managed to say between half-breaths.

I pulled her onto my lap so that I could better assess the situation. She clung to me tightly, seeking warmth and stability. I held her tightly and felt her body slowly begin to relax against mine. She was breathing a little more steadily now, though I could barely tell since she had her face buried into my chest. If I wasn't so freaked out about what was going with her, I would have been freaking out about how perfectly she fit into my arms. And how it seemed so natural for her to be there.

"Who?" I asked, jolted back into our conversation again as Bella sniffed loudly. "Can you hear me, Bella? Bella?"

"She wasn't Laurent's mate," she whispered hoarsely, her face still buried into my chest. "They were just old friends…"

"Do you need some water? A doctor? Tell me what to do," I persisted.

"I'm not sick–I'm scared," she explained, her voice still muffled.

I patted her back soothingly, "Scared of this Victoria?"

She nodded but didn't respond.

"Victoria is the red-haired female?"

Bella trembled before nodding again.

"How do you know she wasn't his mate?"

"Laurent told me James was her mate," she explained softly.

I put my hands on her face and forced her to look up at me. I stared intently into her eyes. "Did he tell you anything else, Bella? This is important. Do you know what she wants?"

"Of course," she whispered softly. "She wants _me_."

I barely clamped down on the rage in time. Bella. In danger. If anything was going to cause me to lose control, that would be it.

"Why?" I demanded through clenched teeth.

"Edward killed James," she responded, burying her face back into my neck. "She did get… pissed off. But Laurent said she thought it was fairer to kill me than Edward. Mate for mate. She didn't know–still doesn't know, I guess–that… that…" She swallowed hard before continuing. "That things aren't like that with us anymore. Not for Edward, anyway."

I closed my eyes but I couldn't stop the emotions from racing through me. I felt torn in so many directions – fear for Bella's safety, hatred for vampires, frustration over not having been able to catch Victoria yet, and now jealousy over that Cullen guy - it was all jumbled inside me creating a potent mix of emotions that was liable to set me off with the slightest provocation.

I counted to ten slowly as I took some deep breaths. That's what Sam always told us to do when we thought we were getting too heated. I held Bella tightly in my arms – too tightly – but for once, she didn't protest.

"Is that what happened?" My voice broke slightly but I continued, "Is that why the Cullens left?"

"I'm nothing but a human, after all. Nothing special," she explained weakly with a sad smile.

I half-choked and half-growled. What a jerk. What a damn *sshole. If I ever found him, I'd rip him to shreds for what he had done to her. Turning her into this broken shell of herself. "If that idiot bloodsucker is honestly stupid enough–"

"Please," she moaned as she burrowed deeper into my arms. I could feel her shaking again. "Please. Don't."

I hesitated, wanting to continue, to reassure her about how special she was. How amazing and wonderful she was. To tell her that over and over again until she finally believed it herself. But I knew that the timing wasn't right. She wasn't ready. And there were more important things at stake right now. Like protecting her from the red-haired leech. Bella had given us more info about this … Victoria. And it would help tremendously in our hunt.

"This is important," I said calmly. I now had a renewed sense of purpose. I had to catch the damn red-headed bloodsucker before she got to Bella. I also recognized that I was looking for a way to effectively channel all of my heightened emotions over what was going on between me and Bella. "This is exactly what we needed to know. We've got to tell the others right away."

I stood quickly and pulled Bella to her feet. I kept my hands around her waist until I was sure that she was steady on her legs.

"I'm okay," she said, but I knew better than to believe her. I put a finger under her chin and lifted her up head up so I could assess her state myself. She did look somewhat better and that was enough for now. I bent and kissed her softly on her forehead as I smoothed her ruffled hair back from her face.

"Let's go," I took her hand as I started to pull her back towards the parking lot where the Chevy was parked.

"Where are we going?" she asked

"I'm not sure yet," I admitted as I stopped mid-stride. But I knew deep-down what I had to do. I had to tell Sam. And face up to the consequences of telling Bella our secret. "Wait a second, I need to call a meeting. Just sit here for just a minute, okay?"

She looked at me skeptically but I just pushed her back towards the driftwood log before taking off towards the forest that bordered the beach.

"Where are you going?" she shouted after me. "Jacob!"

"I'll be right back," I promised as I sprinted into the cover of the trees, picking up speed, trying to put enough distance between us. I heard her call my name again. It was the last thing I heard before I phased.


	10. Scared

_Hey guys! Thanks so much for reviewing!! I know I've just been following the books for the past few chapters, but I'm trying to stay faithful to the story – so I need to get through all of these Bella-Jake scenes as they happened in the book, before I can do add in some creative stuff. More Sam-Jake drama coming soon, I promise!_

**Chapter 10: Scared**

I heard their voices – or really their thoughts - as soon as I phased.

"_He's back."_

"_We know! You don't have to announce it, Meraz. Give the guy some breathing room!"_

"_Shove it, Call!_

"_Silence, guys."_

Sam's deep and heavy Alpha baritone was unmistakable. Paul and Embry shut up immediately, at least in terms of their conscious thoughts. I could still hear their stream of unconsciousness running faintly in the back of my mind like the buzzing of pesky mosquitos. If I wanted to, I could have zero-ed in and isolated each of their voices to listen to, but I didn't want to.

"_Where have you been, Jake? Are you okay?"_

Sam's voice was softer now, but no less commanding. I sighed, knowing that there was no point in putting off the inevitable. I closed my eyes, an instinctual reaction, as I replayed my memory of last night and this morning,

For a moment, there was silence as the pack absorbed what they had seen. Then, simultaneously, like a loud thunder clap, their minds erupted in reaction. I could hear them all thinking at once and the sudden cacophony of sound gave me an instant migraine.

"_Are you f*ing kidding me? You stupid punk! Is she more important than the tribe … "_

"_Shut up, Meraz. Jake – are you okay? Is Bella okay? …"_

"_How the hell did the kid get around Sam's command? Sam's the Alpha. That's unbelievable …"_

"_Guys!" _Sam's Alpha voice intervened again. "_Let me talk to Jake"_

The other voices died down.

"_Jake, I told you. This was a bad idea – "_

"_- I know. But I had to. I couldn't cause her that much pain. It's better this way. It really is."_

"_Better? Or easier? Those aren't the same thing." _Sam's voice was harsh and unrelenting. _"It may be easier for you to have Bella know, but I don't know if it's better to have dragged her into all of this. You may regret your decision one day. You'll regret it bitterly if you cause her harm."_

"_I know .. I …" _my voice faltered. I knew that Sam was right. I had been horribly selfish. I had wanted Bella to know so that she wouldn't hate me. And so that I could still see her. But if anything happened to her as a result of this, I would never forgive myself.

Sam sighed heavily and shook his head. "_What's done is done. We need a plan going forward-"_

"_She can help!" _ I interrupted, eager to share all the new info Bella had shared. _"The red-haired leech. Bella knows her. She knows what she wants. Bella can help us."_ I quickly replayed my memory of this morning on the beach.

There was a slight pause as Sam processed my memory of everything Bella had told me.

"_We need to meet now. I want to ask her myself."_

"_We're at First Beach, by the bleached driftwood log."_

"_Too many people. Let's meet in 15 by the logging field. We'll be in human form."_

With that, I felt the other wolves start to move. If I concentrated, I would be able to see through their eyes at the forest whizzing by them. I would even be able to tell where they were. But instead, I turned back. I knew I needed to prepare Bella. I phased back immediately, threw on my clothes, and jogged back to the beach.

Bella was sitting on the sand, curled up in front of the log, with her arms wrapped around her knees, hugging them closely to her chest. The wind was blowing in from the ocean, making her hair swirl around her shoulders in a playful dance. She seemed tense and she whipped her head around abruptly when she heard the rocks clattering under my feet. Her eyes were wide and frightened until she caught sight of me.

"You're really scared, aren't you?" I asked as I folded myself down next to her.

She nodded mutely. I put my arm around her and pulled her towards me.

"Don't be. We'll take care of you–and Charlie, too. I promise."

"The idea of you finding Victoria is scarier than the idea of her finding me," she admitted with a soft voice.

I smiled ruefully. "You've got to have a little more confidence in us than that. It's insulting."

She shook her head at me with a sad smile and changed the topic. "Where did you go just now?"

I frowned, unsure of what to say. Even if she was theoretically okay about my being a werewolf, I didn't know if she wanted to hear the technical details of being one.

"What? Is it a secret?"

"Not really. It's kind of weird, though. I don't want to freak you out."

"I'm sort of used to weird by this point, you know," she teased with a slight jab to my ribs.

I grinned in response. "Guess you'd have to be. Okay. See, when we're wolves, we can… hear each other." Bella's eyebrows arched. "Not hear sounds," I continued, "but we can hear… _thoughts_–each other's anyway–no matter how far away from each other we are. It really helps when we hunt, but it's a big pain otherwise. It's embarrassing–having no secrets like that. Freaky, eh?"

There was silence for a moment as she thought about it. "Is that what you meant last night, when you said you would tell them you'd seen me, even though you didn't want to?"

"You're quick."

"Thanks."

"You're also very good with weird. I thought that would bother you." I gave her an affectionate squeeze.

"It's not… well, you're not the first person I've known who could do that. So it doesn't seem so weird to me."

Bella had gone very still. I looked at her intently. "Really?… Wait–are you talking about your bloodsuckers?"

"I wish you wouldn't call them that."

I laughed uncomfortably. "Okay, whatever. The Cullens, then?"

"Just… just Edward." Bella pulled away from me as she said that. Every time she thought about him – much less mentioned him – her face lost a little of its color and her eyes went blank. And it tugged at my heartstrings, not to mention fueled up my rage at the jerk who did it to her.

"I thought those were just stories," I said, careful to keep my tone light and neutral. "I've heard legends about vampires who could do… extra stuff, but I thought that was just a myth."

"Is anything just a myth anymore?" she said as she quirked her lips. The moment had passed and she relaxed comfortably at my side again.

"Guess not." I took a deep breath before I broke the news to her. "Okay, we're going to meet Sam and the others up at the old logging field, near the place where we went to ride our bikes. Are you up for it?"

Bella looked up at me, her eyes an open book, and I could read the conflicted emotions raging inside her. Then she looked away and nodded. So we got up and walked to the Chevy in silence.

Bella started the truck and pulled off the road before saying anything.

"So did you just turn into a wolf now, to talk to Sam?"

I nodded. "I kept it real short– I was afraid Sam would tell me I couldn't bring you."

"That wouldn't have stopped me," she objected hotly.

"Well, it would have stopped _me_," I said softly and guiltily. "Remember how I couldn't finish my sentences last night? How I couldn't just tell you the whole story?"

"Yeah. You looked like you were choking on something."

I chuckled darkly. "Close enough. Sam told me I couldn't tell you. He's… the head of the pack, you know. He's the Alpha. When he tells us to do something, or not to do something–when he really means it, well, we can't just ignore him."

"Weird," she muttered.

"Very," I agreed. "It's kind of a wolf thing. There's a load of stuff like that–wolf things. I'm still learning. I can't imagine what it was like for Sam, trying to deal with this alone. It sucks bad enough to go through it with a whole pack for support."

"Sam was alone?"

"Yeah." My voice cracked slightly. The memories of the transformation were still too painful to relive. "When I… changed, it was the most… _horrible_, the most _terrifying _thing I've ever been through–worse than anything I could have imagined. But I wasn't alone–there were the voices there, in my head, telling me what had happened and what I had to do. That kept me from losing my mind, I think. But Sam…Sam had no help."

Bella stared at the road ahead of her for a long time before replying. "Will they be angry that I'm with you?"

I frowned. "Probably."

"Maybe I shouldn't–"

"No, it's okay," I reassured her. "You know a ton of things that can help us. It's not like you're just some ignorant human. You're like a… I don't know, spy or something. You've been behind enemy lines." I quipped.

Bella frowned. She was unconvinced, so I continued. "Like the stuff about the mind-reading bloodsucker. That's the kind of thing we need to know about. That really sucks that _those _stories are true. It makes everything more complicated. Hey, do you think this Victoria can do anything special?"

"I don't think so," she hesitated, and then sighed. "He would have mentioned it."

"He?" I asked, momentarily confused. And then I saw her face. "Oh, you mean Edward." Sh*t. I didn't mean to say his name. I saw her face go pale again at the sound of it. "Sorry. I forgot. You don't like to say his name. Or hear it." I mumbled as I stared at my hands in my lap, unsure of what to say.

Bella had wrapped her left arm around her midsection, as if she were trying to hold herself together. "Not really, no."

"Sorry."

She sighed. "How do you know me so well, Jacob? Sometimes it's like you can read _my _mind."

I wish. I chuckled softly. "Naw. I just pay attention."

She gave me a small smile as she pulled onto the little dirt road where we first rode the bikes.

"This good?" she asked.

"Sure, sure. The guys will probably come from the woods over there."

Bella pulled over and cut the engine.

"You're still pretty unhappy, aren't you?" I murmured softly.

She nodded, staring unseeingly into the gloomy forest. The bad weather had finally rolled in off the ocean, and the morning sunshine had disappeared, leaving behind a foggy dreary depressing mess of clouds.

"Did you ever think… that maybe… you're better off?" I asked gently.

She inhaled slowly, and then let her breath out. "No."

Jealousy flared through me and I sucked in my breath to keep myself calm. After all that the jerk did to her, she was still pining over him. "'Cause he wasn't the best–"

"Please, Jacob," she begged, her voice barely above a whisper and her eyes looking resolutely away from mine. "Could we please not talk about this? I can't stand it."

"Okay," I said automatically. I rubbed my temples to try to calm myself down. I saw that she was doing the same. "I'm sorry I said anything."

"Don't feel bad. If things were different, it would be nice to finally be able to talk to someone about it."

I nodded. "Yeah, I had a hard time keeping a secret from you for two weeks. It must be hell to not be able to talk to _anyone_."

"Hell," she agreed with a small smile. And just like that, the moment was over. His spell had broken and she was back to being the real Bella again. Not the broken shell that he had turned her into. But the real, breathing, living, happy Bella that I knew and loved.

Just then, I heard the sounds of footsteps coming from the forest. I sucked in a sharp breath. The pack was here. It was time to pay the piper.

"They're here. Let's go."

"Are you sure?" Bella asked tentatively as I popped open the door. "Maybe I shouldn't be here."

I hopped out before turning to her with a grin. "They'll deal with it." She looked unconvinced. "Who's afraid of the big, bad, wolf, now?" I teased.

She rolled her eyes at me, but hopped out of the truck and scurried around the front to stand close to me. I could see that her hands were trembling with fear, so I took the one closest to me and squeezed it reassuringly.

"Here we go."


	11. Fight

**Chapter 11: Fight**

Bella was super-glued to my side as we waited for the others to emerge from the trees. Even though she said she was fine, I could feel her quivering slightly in fear as she burrowed herself next to me. I would be lying if I didn't admit that I was slightly scared myself. I didn't know exactly how the pack was going to react to the news that Bella now knew everything. And I was worried about what Sam might order me to do.

They emerged one by one, striding out from the trees, Sam first, flanked by Jared and Paul, with Embry last. The image of them was striking. They looked so similar – in the way they moved and dressed – and yet, they were so different in how they carried themselves. They stopped about 10 feet away from us, wanting to keep a safe distance from Bella, just in case.

I knew I could count on Embry. He was tense, but only because the others were. He gave me a half-smile and a quick nod towards Bella. Sam was understandably tense and angry too, but he hid it well, his face a blank emotionless mask. Paul on the other hand was the opposite of calm and emotionless. He was practically quivering with anger. Jared had his arm on his shoulder, telling him to calm down, but it didn't seem to be working.

"What have you done, Jacob?" Paul shouted as he broke away from Jared's grasp and thrust past Sam. "Why can't you just follow the rules, Jacob? What the hell are you thinking? Is she more important than everything–than the whole tribe? Than the people getting killed?"

"She can help," I said quietly and calmly, but I pushed Bella behind me just in case.

"Help!" Paul yelled. He was dangerously out of control and he shook off Jared's attempts to calm him down. "Oh, that's likely! I'm sure the leech-lover is just _dying _to help us out!"

"Don't talk about her like that!" I shouted, stung by what he had called Bella.

Paul began to shake, his shoulders twitching and I could see his shape begin to blur.

"Paul! Relax!" Sam commanded, but it was too late. Paul shook his head back and forth vainly trying to calm himself down. Jared muttered something to him but Paul ignored him as he shifted his glare back at me. I put out my hand to push Bella safely behind me again. That little action seemed to put Paul over the edge.

"Right, protect _her_!" Paul roared suddenly. And then, there was no turning back.

"Paul!" Sam and I shouted together, but it was too late.

Paul's body convulsed heavily and then suddenly, he threw his head back and a fierce growl erupted from his clenched teeth. I pushed Bella backwards before turning to charge towards Paul to try to stop him. But before I had even made a move, he ripped out of his skin and exploded into wolf form.

I ran as fast as I could towards Paul, praying that Bella had the sense to run the other way. I concentrated heavily on manipulating the red haze coursing within me as I took off in the air. I phased mid-jump and landed on all four legs, snapping and snarling right in Paul's face.

"Jacob!" I heard Bella scream, but I didn't turn my head as I focused on taking down Paul. I didn't know how pissed he was. I didn't think he would seriously do anything to harm Bella, but I wasn't taking any chances. I figured he was just itching for a fight and I was happy to give him one.

We circled each other once before Paul attacked first, leaping at me with his gigantic paw out to swipe my head. I evaded his paw just in time and met him head-on, aiming for his jugular. If he was going to fight dirty, so was I. I missed, but managed to draw some blood. He roared in anger and attacked again. We caught each other midstride and tumbled to the ground as we fought for supremacy. My goal was to keep us as far away from Bella as possible. Paul's goal was to teach me a lesson. And he was succeeding.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Embry maneuvering Bella into the truck and driving away. Now that she was safe, I could concentrate. I roared as I threw Paul off of me, throwing him ten feet into the air towards the trees. I pounded on him before he could react and my killer instinct took over, as I started pummeling him relentlessly. Paul put up a good fight, when suddenly, I felt someone pulling me off Paul. I turned to attack, but realized it was Sam and calmed down instantly.

"_Knock it off you two!"_ The Alpha timbre in his voice was unmistakable. We both huffed loudly, but we were secretly thrilled. Neither of us wanted to seriously hurt each other, but pride wouldn't let us give up. We both plopped down on the ground, breathing heavily, exhausted by the morning's drama.

Sam didn't move as he kept an eye on the two of us. Finally, when my breath returned to normal, I got up and went over to Paul, who was still plopped on the ground. The cut on his neck was already healed. The only sign that he had been hurt was some dried red flakes of blood sticking to his fur.

"_Sorry, man_." I shrugged my shoulders. "_Didn't mean to hurt you."_

"_Just a scratch," _he scoffed. "_I would have gotten you back if Sam hadn't saved your sorry ass."_

I rolled my eyes but let it go. "_So are we good?"_

"_Yeah, we're good. Whatever. I guess it's good that she knows now. Listening to you mope about her was getting old."_

"_Thanks, Paul,"_ I responded sarcastically.

"_Anytime."_

"_Alright, you two. That's enough. Let's head to Emily's. I'm starving."_

"_I'm game!_" Paul jumped off his feet and took off in a dead run._ "Eat my dirt, Black!" _

I shook my head in disbelief. The guy was unbelievable. And yet, despite it all, you had to kinda like him. Sam's chuckle rumbled in my head. He knew exactly what I was talking about.

We pulled up to Emily's house a few minutes later. It was a neat blue cottage tucked into the edges of the forest, just off the main road into town. The whole house felt girly to me. From the heart cutouts in window shutters to the tulips growing haphazardly in the garden to the white wicker patio furniture out on the porch. It was hard to believe that Sam – macho-tough-guy-Sam – actually lived and spent most of his time here among the frilly lace and ruffles. But I wasn't stupid enough to mention it to him.

We phased back and threw on clothes in the cover of the trees. As we headed up the path to the door, we could see Embry and Jared kicking back at the breakfast table while Emily was setting the table. Paul punched me lightly on the shoulder with a smile, so I went for a kidney jab in return. We laughed and he patted me on the back before he ducked in.

Bella was standing just at the entrance of the breakfast nook with a half-eaten muffin in-hand. She was watching all of this with curiosity and amusement, but there was no longer a trace of fear in her eyes. Paul winked as he walked past her and shrugged his apologies. She broke out in an amused smile and nodded her head, before turning her glance to me.

"Hey Bells," I said cheerfully as I sauntered over to the table. I grabbed two blueberry muffins. Muffins went quickly around here so I had to get in now. I debated getting some eggs too, but realized that I didn't have extra hands. I went and stood next to Bella. "Sorry about before. How are you holding up."

"Don't worry, I'm okay. Good muffins," she picked hers up and started nibbling again. She seemed to relax now that I was there.

"Oh, man!" Jared wailed, interrupting us.

I looked up, and he and Embry were examining a fading pink line on Paul's neck. Embry was grinning.

"Fifteen dollars," he crowed.

"Did you do that?" Bella whispered to me, her eyes worried.

"I barely touched him," I scoffed. "He'll be perfect by sundown."

"By sundown?" she said in amazement as she looked back at Paul.

"Wolf thing," I said a grin.

Bella's eyes bugged out slightly as she processed that.

"You okay?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Are you okay?" she asked pointedly as she started examining me for half-healed wounds.

"Not a scratch on me," I said smugly and she laughed.

"Hey, guys," Sam interrupted loudly. Emily was at the stove, flipping pancakes, but Sam still had one hand touching the small of her back, an unconscious gesture. "Jacob has information for us."

"I know what the redhead wants." I said confidently. "That's what I was trying to tell you before." I kicked the leg of Paul's chair as I said that, but he just rolled his eyes at me and continued shoveling eggs into his mouth.

"And?" Jared asked.

"She _is _trying to avenge her mate–only it wasn't the black-haired leech _we _killed. The Cullens got her mate last year, and she's after Bella now." I couldn't help but shiver as I said that.

Jared, Embry, and Paul stared at me with confusion in her eyes.

"She's just a girl," Embry protested.

"I didn't say it made sense. But that's why the bloodsucker's been trying to get past us. She's been heading for Forks."

They continued to stare at me, mouths still hanging open, for a long moment.

"Excellent," Jared finally said, a smile beginning to pull up the corners of his mouth. "We've got bait."

I yanked the can opener off the counter and launched it at Jared's head. It was a good thing he had wolf reflexes because otherwise, it would have taken off part of his face. "Bella is _not _bait," I ground out, my eyes angry, as I stared him down.

"You know what I mean," Jared said, unabashed.

"So we'll be changing our patterns," Sam said, ignoring our squabble. "We'll try leaving a few holes, and see if she falls for it. We'll have to split up, and I don't like that. But if she's really after Bella, she probably won't try to take advantage of our divided numbers."

"Quil's got to be close to joining us," Embry murmured. "Then we'll be able to split evenly."

Everyone looked down. Nobody wanted to think about that. As nice as it would be to have more help, we didn't want anyone else have to suffer this fate.

"Well, we won't count on that," Sam said in a low voice and then continued at his regular volume. "Paul, Jared, and Embry will take the outer perimeter, and Jacob and I will take the inner. We'll collapse in when we've got her trapped." Sam looked at Bella then. "Jacob thinks it would be best if you spent as much time as possible here in La Push. She won't know where to find you so easily, just in case."

"What about Charlie?" Bella asked.

"March Madness is still going," I said. "I think Billy and Harry can manage to keep Charlie down here when he's not at work."

"Wait," Sam said, holding one hand up. His glance flickered to Emily's scar and then back to Bella. I ducked my head guiltily. I knew what he was about to say.

"That's what Jacob thinks is best, but you need to decide for yourself. You should weigh the risks of both options very seriously. You saw this morning how easily things can get dangerous here, how quickly they get out of hand. If you choose to stay with us, I can't make any guarantees about your safety."

"I won't hurt her," I mumbled, still looking at my feet.

Sam ignored me. "If there was somewhere else you felt safe…"

Bella bit her lip as she whispered, "I don't want to lead Victoria anywhere else."

Sam nodded. "That's true. It's better to have her here, where we can end this."

Bella flinched as Sam said this. I reached out to take her hand and squeezed it.

"You'll be careful, right?" she asked, looking at me with fear in her eyes.

The boys burst into loud hoots of amusement.

"Food's ready," Emily announced then and broke up the tension. We all hurried to the table and started grabbing away. We knew better than to waste precious time if we wanted to get any food with five ravenous wolves at the table. I barely remembered to make a plate for Bella.

After breakfast, we went back to my house and hung out there most of the day. Charlie came by after work with pizza and we watched TV to pass the time. I could feel Charlie's eyes on me, taking in the new haircut, the tattoo, and the clothes, but I evaded his questions.

I walked Bella to her truck as Charlie and Billy said their goodbyes. I lingered by the window as we waited for Charlie to settle in.

"Don't be afraid tonight," I said softly, so Charlie couldn't hear. "We'll be out there, watching."

"I won't worry about myself," she promised but her face was clearly worried.

"You're silly. Hunting vampires is fun. It's the best part of this whole mess."

She shook her head at me. "If I'm silly, then you're dangerously unbalanced."

I chuckled. "Get some rest, Bella, honey. You look exhausted."

"I'll try."

Charlie honked his horn impatiently, so I backed away from the truck.

"See you tomorrow," I said. "Come down first thing."

"I will," she promised, not taking her eyes off of me as they pulled away from the house and headed back to Forks.


	12. Patrol

**Chapter 12: Patrol**

I was waiting for Sam a few nights later by the old logging field so that we could run the night patrol together. The pack hadn't found anything recently – no scent trail, no track marks – nothing that would indicate that the red-haired leech was around. And it was making us nervous. Hell, it was giving me a damn ulcer. Especially since we knew now that she was after Bella.

We were worried that she had figured out some way to get around us, so Sam ordered us to run double shifts to be safe. We were all exhausted though some grumbled more than others. Paul never let an opportunity go by without reminding me of how much the pack was suffering because of my "little girlfriend."

But I had no complaints just then. It was a beautiful night. The skies were clear – a rarity here in La Push – no cloud cover to be seen, just millions of stars painting the night sky. A warm breeze was blowing in from the coast, carrying with it the briny tang of the ocean mixed with the fresh green smell of budding trees and flowering shrubs. It was the heady scent of spring after a long hard winter and I couldn't breathe in enough of the fresh smell.

I was in wolf form already, which meant that I could hear Embry and Jared's thoughts running in the back of my head as they finished running the evening patrol. Sam was there too. I felt him phase a few minutes ago – his thoughts suddenly added to the mix – as he left Emily's house to come meet me.

Embry and Jared gave Sam a brief status report on their 3-hr patrol shift – basically no news - which was both a good and a bad thing. Then I felt them phase out as they reached home, until it was just me and Sam left. Sam still hadn't arrived at the logging field yet, so I stretched lazily and flopped back down on the grass with a sigh.

"_That was a big sigh there…"_ Sam's deep baritone echoed in my head. It wasn't the deep deep baritone of his Alpha voice, but it was imposing nonetheless.

"_Long day," _I replied briefly, springing to my feet even though he hadn't showed up yet. _"So how do we want to split –"_

"_-I was thinking that we should run together for at least part of tonight."_

"_Together? But that's inefficient!" _I protested._ "We'll only cover half the ground that we could cover!" _

"_We've been all over the rez and La Push the past few days. We haven't found anything. We can take it easy on occasion, Jake. We don't want to burn out."_ Sam replied calmly. _"Plus, I want to talk to you."_

Uh-oh. That did not sound good.

"_It's nothing bad,"_ Sam continued, answering my unconscious thoughts._ "I just think we should talk. It's been a month since you joined the pack."_

"_Okay. And?"_

"_Well … uh …I was wondering…"_ Sam stumbled over his words – which was weird – Sam was always self-assured and confident and he was never at a loss for words. He cleared his throat before continuing. _"How have you been feeling?"_

"_Umm, let's see, I'm a werewolf. So life pretty much sucks. How are you?"_

"_Jake…"_

"_Okay, okay, sorry. Things have been fine. I have no complaints. Other than the whole werewolf thing. Why?"_ I perked up my ears suddenly, more alert now. _"This is about the Bella thing, right? Look, Sam, I already told you. I'm sorry. I know-"_

Sam cut me off. _"-it's okay, Jake."_

"_No really, let me explain. I didn't technically tell her, she just guessed. Okay, maybe I prodded her memory a little, but really, I didn't break your command-"_

"_Jake!"_

Sam arrived in the clearing just then. His shadow, cast long by the bright full moon, was grotesquely huge. But I started in shock when I realized that my shadow was equally large. I watched as Sam approached me in wolf form and I examined him critically – taking in his size and height - before looking down at myself in confusion. I must have grown another inch or so in the past few weeks, because I could swear that I was exactly the same size as Sam now.

"_It's a wolf thing,"_ Sam quipped with a smile as he sat down next to where I was standing on the grassy knoll. Though since he was in wolf form, his smile looked more like a half grimace half snarl. _"It speeds up the growth process. Most of the guys grow to their full adult height within a month or so of transforming."_

"_Good to know,"_ I said as I plopped down comfortably next to him. It looked like this might take a while.

"_Look, Jake. I can't pretend that I'm happy about what you did with Bella."_ Sam raised his paw as I began to protest. _"I don't think you made the right decision, because you've put in greater danger of getting hurt."_

"_Danger?" _I protested hotly. _"Now that she knows that someone out there is going to protect her from the leeches?"_

"_Jacob."_ Sam said my name slowly, his face an open book. I looked away. I knew what he meant, but I didn't want to think about the fact that I was now the danger in Bella's life. I was the person most likely to cause her harm. Not Victoria. I could protect her against Victoria. But I couldn't protect her against myself.

I sighed. "_I know. But I think I can do it. I won't be a danger to her. I can control the rage."_

"_I thought I could control the rage too," _Sam replied. We sat there in silence for a few moments. I stared numbly at my paws, unsure of what to say or to think. I knew how much Sam loved Emily. And I also knew what he had done to her in a moment of rage.

"_It's not just that,"_ Sam interrupted my thoughts tersely. "_Though that was bad enough."_ He winced and closed his eyes as we both relived that terrible memory as it flashed through his mind. He shook his head slightly to clear it away and composed himself. _"I've caused her a tremendous amount of pain in another way too, just by falling in love with her …"_

"_Uh, what are you talking about?"_

"_Well, Emily and Leah were best friends. And you know that Leah and I …"_ Sam's thoughts trailed off awkwardly.

That's right. Leah Clearwater and Sam used to be hot and heavy for years. I had almost forgotten about that. Sam and Emily were just so head-over-heels for each other that even though I had seen Leah and Sam together for years, it was hard to remember that he had ever been with anyone but Emily.

"_That's exactly what I'm talking about,"_ Sam pressed on, eavesdropping unabashedly to my inner thoughts. _"Has Billy mentioned imprinting to you?"_

"_Imprinting? What's that?"_

"_Great. So I get to have the awkward conversation,"_ Sam joked lightly. _"It's like the sex talk. I can understand why no parent ever wants to do it. It's so damn awkward."_

"_Uh, I got the memo on that one already, so …"_

"_Just joking," _Sam said with a small smile_. "Imprinting is a serious matter though. Imprinting is about finding your mate."_

"_Finding my mate?" _I repeated unsteadily. I didn't know what I was expecting Sam to tell me – I was hoping that it was going to be about some secret werewolf superpower or something - but it was definitely not that.

"_Finding your soul mate, if you will. You 'imprint' on your soul mate the first time that you see her after you complete the werewolf transformation."_

"_Imprint on my soul mate?" _I looked at Sam as I stupidly repeated after him. I had no idea what the heck he was talking about, but if he was gonna get all Dr. Phil on me, I was out of there.

"_Yes, imprint. It helps us identify our perfect mate, the person who will best help us pass on the werewolf gene. Billy also thinks it helps us produce stronger werewolves in the next generation."_

"_Werewolf Darwinism," _I said slowly, hardly able to believe what I was hearing_. "This is a joke, right?"_

"_No, Jake, it's not,"_ Sam replied softly. I felt myself being enveloped into one of his memories again. I guess Sam figured that he'd cut to the chase and would just show me instead of trying to tell me. I watched as Sam walked into Leah's house and saw Emily for the first time after having transformed. Because I was in his memory, I could feel the rush that flooded through his veins at the sight of her. It was the opposite of the red hazy rage that fired us up and allowed us to phase. This was a calming peaceful rush of tender emotion and absolute joy that made every part of my body from my scalp to my fingertips to my toes tingle with excitement. I watched Sam in his memory stand there stupidly staring at Emily, until Leah walked in and brought him back to reality. I looked up at Sam quickly then and he nodded. And I realized that he really wasn't joking.

"_So that's why, you and Leah …"_

_"Yeah,"_ Sam said with a heavy sigh. _"I broke Leah's heart. And I ruined her and Emily's friendship. They still barely talk. Emily was obviously not interested in me at first, but I was able to convince her … otherwise."_ Sam gave a small smile as he said that._ "It was a lot easier once she knew about the werewolf thing. But she still hasn't forgiven herself for what this did to Leah. I can't forgive myself either. Because after I imprinted, I had to break every promise that I ever made to Leah … and I still loved her. It was just a different kind of love now."_

"_And there was nothing you could do about it?"_ I asked point-blank, my head still reeling from the new information.

"_Nothing. It's part of being a werewolf."_

I was beginning to hate hearing that. It seemed like being a werewolf was taking over a larger part of my life every single day. I was disappearing piece by piece before my own eyes. Suddenly, something else registered in what Sam said.

"_Wait! You said that things were easier after Emily knew. So you understand why I had to tell Bella, right? You understand why I didn't have a choice?"_

"_No," _Sam said softly. _"You still haven't understood what I'm telling you, Jake. Emily is my imprint. But Bella isn't yours."_

"_Wh-at?"_ I stammered slowly, "_But … I … she …"_

"_She's not your imprint, Jacob." _Seeing the confusion and disbelief in my eyes, Sam continued. _"I was there. The first time that you saw her again after becoming a werewolf. In the meadow that day when we killed the leech with the dreads? You didn't imprint. We would have felt it – in your thoughts." _I was still staring at him open-mouthed in shock as he went on,_ "That's why I didn't want you to tell her. Because one day, when you do imprint, you'll be forced to leave her. And I didn't want you go through what I went through with Leah. Hurting the person you once promised to love." _

"_Are you sure?" _I sputtered when I finally found my voice. _"I mean, how do you know I didn't imprint? Maybe it feels different for everyone."_

"_We know. Trust me. I was there when Jared saw Kim for the first time. It's the same sensation that you felt in my memory. And I know you didn't feel it that day. I was watching specifically to see if it would happen because ... er … Billy mentioned that the two of you were close so I was curious."_

I was stunned. I tried to sort through my hazy memory of that day in the meadow. I remembered my overwhelming fear that the leech would kill her. I remembered almost crashing into a tree when I tried to disobey Sam's Alpha order so that I could reach her in time. I remembered marveling at seeing her face again after so long. I remembered the heady sense of relief that I felt when she got home safely. But I didn't remember the rush of tender wondrous emotion that I had seen in Sam's memory. And I didn't know what it meant.

"_It means that even though you may think you love her now, she's not the one for you."_ Sam prodded gently._ "There's no easy way to say it, but that's the truth."_

"_I don't believe it. How can this … stupid werewolf gene … dictate something as important as this? As if I don't know my own mind? I know how I feel about her!"_

"_It's for the best, Jake. As hard as it to believe that right now, it really is for the best."_

"_I'm sure Leah feels that way," _I snapped without thinking. I saw Sam wince and I shut my eyes, angry that I had let my emotions get away from me. _"I'm sorry about that. That was uncool."_

"_It's okay, I understand. It's understandably … frustrating … to have your free will taken away from you. To know that you won't have a choice in something so important. That's why I didn't want you to tell Bella. It'll be ten times worse when you imprint on someone else after you've been together for a long time. Trust me, I know. You're better off breaking things off now."_

"_Well luckily, Bella and I aren't together,"_ I muttered with a wry smile. It was like the fates were conspiring to keep us apart. Cliched as that sounded, it felt true right about now.

"_What do you mean?"_

"_You know, we're not 'together together.' We're just friends."_

"_Oh," _Sam said softly, his eyes puzzled and wary.

"_Wait, you should know that. I mean, you guys can see my thoughts and everything. You should know that we haven't … er … kissed or anything like that."_

"_Well, yes,"_ Sam continued uncomfortably. I could see him squirming on the inside. He wasn't kidding when he meant that this was going to be an awkward conversation. _"I didn't mean to pry but I couldn't help overhearing some stuff. But that doesn't mean that one day-"_

"_Trust me. I'm hoping that one day she'll change her mind about us-"_

"_- but maybe it's better if she doesn't. Do you really want do that to her? Leave her after you imprint? Crushing her hopes and dreams?"_

I stared up at him suddenly. What he was saying was finally sinking through. Basically, despite my best efforts and intentions, imprinting meant that I would one day leave her. Just like he left her. And maybe it wouldn't hurt her as much as it did when he left, but it would hurt her nonetheless. And it would be worse if we actually officially got together and our relationship deepened. Because of who I was, it was selfish for me to want to change the nature of our relationship now, knowing that I would one day have no choice but to leave her. Sh*t man. What the heck was I going to do?

" _Just think about it Jacob. That's all I'm saying,"_

I sighed deeply as I tilted my head up to stare aimlessly at the stars. Millions of stars out there. Millions of people out there. And the werewolf crap had to happen to me. We sat in the field in silence for a while companionably. My mind was racing with a million different thoughts. I doubted that Sam could have even followed all of them even if he had wanted to listen in. My brain was a jumbled mess of emotions – fear, anger, despair.

"_Has there ever been a case where a wolf didn't imprint?"_ I had to ask. I couldn't help holding out hope.

"_I don't know,"_ Sam replied honestly. _"It may have, but the legends don't tell of any exceptions. And it happened with me and Jared. Though, technically, Paul hasn't imprinted yet, but then again, it's Paul…"_

I snorted. I had better be there when Paul imprinted. God knows I needed some laughter in my future.

"_But it could happen, right? I mean, I'm not like other wolves. Maybe I'm different …"  
_

"_About that,"_ Sam said. "_There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about. You know how I'm the Alpha of the pack?" _I nodded as he continued. _"That happened because I was the oldest wolf. The first one to turn. But technically, you should be Alpha."_

"_Wh-at? What are you talking about?" _I picked my head up in alarm. I didn't know if I could take any more crazy news tonight.

"_Your great-grandfather, Ephraim Black, was the last Alpha, the last Chief of the tribe. That means that you are the next Alpha by birth."_

"_Me?" _I sputtered in shock. My head swam with the responsibilities of being Alpha. Strategizing and coordinately constantly. Always on guard. Ultimately responsible for both the pack and the tribe. I didn't want that. There was no way I could handle that.

"_Yes, you. So I'm willing to step down if you want to assume the Alpha role-"_

"_-No, no way!"_ I cut him off immediately, relief flooding through me. Sam was born for this job. I couldn't imagine anyone better for the role. I felt bad now for all the terrible things I said about him before I knew the truth. "_Really, Sam. No. I …uh … appreciate you offering to do that. But no, you're the Alpha. And you're the best man for the Alpha. I just couldn't."_

"_Well, just think about it, okay?"_ Sam said quietly. He knew that I could hear the tiny sense of relief running through his unconsciousness right now, but I didn't mention it. _"This is all still new to you right now, but you may change your mind one day. For now, how about you act as the pack's Beta? We're getting large enough that it makes sense for there to be two wolves in charge."_

"_Umm, sure, I guess."_

"_Okay, so we're good, right? Everything is good?"_ Sam asked. Seeing that he was waiting for a response, I nodded mutely._ "Okay, we better get started running patrol. Don't want the others to think that we're slacking off now that we're part of management." _

Sam chuckled weakly at his own lame joke. He got up onto all fours and shook himself to get rid of some of the grass and leaves that had gotten tangled In his fur.

"_Yeah, yeah,"_ I agreed mindlessly as I got up to my feet to follow Sam into the woods. We ran silently for a few minutes, just getting our heart rate up and our muscles loose. "_About the imprinting thing …."_

"_Yes?"_

"_There's no way around it?"_

"_As far as I know, all wolves imprint at some point."_

"_ALL wolves?"_

"_All wolves."_

"_Right." _

And with that, we stopped talking about it. After all, what more was there to say?

* * *

_Ack! Sorry I goofed - thanks to Severette and CandyCoatedCute for pointing out to me that Jake actually tells Bella in Eclipse that imprinting happens rarely and that's why the pack is so surprised when so many of them imprint. I totally forgot that and had somehow thought it was the other way around. So I'm sorry about that – a little deviation from the canon here. :)_


	13. Waiting

**Chapter 13: Waiting**

I had to admit that the next time I saw Bella, I stared long and hard at her face, willing something to happen. But nothing did. No rush of tender emotion or joy like what Sam experienced in his memory of seeing Emily for the first time. Nothing except the usual light-headed happy feeling that I got when I saw Bella, but apparently that wasn't enough. And I didn't know what to do about it. It was just one more crappy thing to add to the mess that was my life.

The next few weeks passed in a blur. I went to school during the day, spent the evenings with Bella, and spent the nights hunting the red-haired bloodsucker. I was thankful when spring break rolled around. I needed sleep desperately. Bella spent all of her free time at La Push these days too. She came over directly after school. The reservation school started and ended earlier, so it gave me just enough time to dash over to Forks and be waiting by her truck when she got out of class in the afternoons. We were taking no chances with Victoria.

She and Charlie usually spent the evenings with us or Harry. And when they returned home, one of the wolves – usually me – followed silently through the forest. We took shifts standing guard by Bella's house. It was stretching us pretty thin and everyone was exhausted. I felt bad for the pack, but I also felt bad for Bella because I knew that she could do nothing but wait around all day - in lockdown at La Push until we could catch the leech. I could tell that the waiting was draining her emotionally.

One night, we slipped away from Billy and Charlie and the rest of the gang that had gathered to watch March Madness, so we could actually talk. We stumbled into the garage and stretched out in the front seat of the Rabbit. I leaned my head back and yawned loudly.

"You need some sleep, Jake," Bella commented.

"I'll get around to it." I didn't open my eyes, but reached over and patted her hand. Her skin felt cool to my touch.

"Is that one of those wolf things?" she asked tentatively. "The heat, I mean."

I chuckled. "Yeah. We run a little warmer than the normal people. About one-oh-eight, one-oh-nine. I never get cold anymore. I could stand like this"–I gestured to the cutoffs and t-shirt that I was wearing–"in a snowstorm and it wouldn't bother me. The flakes would turn to rain where I stood."

"And you all heal fast–that's a wolf thing, too?"

"Yeah, wanna see? It's pretty cool." My eyes flipped open and I grinned. This was probably the coolest thing about being a werewolf. Either that or the speed. I reached over to the glove compartment to pull out my pocket knife.

"No, I do not want to see!" Bella shouted as soon as she realized what I was thinking. "Put that away!"

I laughed but shoved the knife back. It figured that Bella would be queasy about blood. The girl dated vampires and ran with werewolves, but couldn't deal with blood. "Fine. It's a good thing we heal, though. You can't go see just any doctor when you're running a temperature that should mean you're dead."

"No, I guess not. And being so big–that's part of it? Is that why you're all worried about Quil?"

I frowned. "That and the fact that Quil's grandfather says the kid could fry an _egg _on his forehead."

I looked away in to the distance. "It won't be long now. There's no exact age… it just builds and builds and then suddenly–"

I broke off, not sure if she wanted me to continue, but she nodded.

"Sometimes, if you get really upset or something, that can trigger it early. But I wasn't upset about anything–I was _happy_." I laughed bitterly. "Because of you, mostly. That's why it didn't happen to me sooner. Instead it just kept on building up inside me–I was like a time bomb. You know what set me off? I got back from that movie and Billy said I looked weird. That was all, but I just snapped. And then I–I exploded. I almost ripped his face off–my own father!" I shivered as I remembered that night.

"Is it really bad, Jake?" Bella asked anxiously. "Are you miserable?"

"No, I'm not miserable," I said. "Not anymore. Not now that you know." I reached over to take her hand this time. We were used to holding hands these days. I knew it didn't mean quite the same thing to her that it meant to me, but it was progress. "That was hard, before."

But she had no idea how much harder it was going to get soon enough. I couldn't even wrap my head around all the imprinting stuff that Sam told me. Or what it meant for me and Bella. Even though Sam insisted it would happen to all the wolves, I couldn't help holding out hope that it wouldn't happen to me. It didn't seem possible that I could feel more strongly about someone else than I did about Bella. It just wasn't possible. And I had been different than the other wolves so far – more controlled, more focused, more skilled - who was to say that I wouldn't be able to evade this part of the curse too? So I pushed it all to the back of my mind and locked it firmly away for now. I couldn't deal. I had enough on my plate as it was.

We sat there quietly for a few minutes. I slouched in the chair and pulled my hand away so that I could rest my arm against the back of Bella's seat. She scooted closer to put her head on my shoulder, shivering slightly from the damp night air coming in through the door. I smiled as she snuggled in.

"What's the hardest part?" she whispered softly.

"The hardest part is feeling… out of control," I said slowly, trying to find the right words to explain it."Feeling like I can't be sure of myself–like maybe you _shouldn't _be around me, like maybe nobody should. Like I'm a monster who might hurt somebody. You've seen Emily. Sam lost control of his temper for just one second… and she was standing too close. And now there's nothing he can ever do to put it right again. I hear his thoughts–I know what that feels like…"

My voice was shaking now. That fear that I would somehow accidentally hurt Bella was constant. I kept me on edge all the time. Even now as we were relaxed against each other, I was conscious that I always needed to be in control of myself. That I couldn't let myself relax, for even just a moment. Because the consequences were too horrifying to imagine.

"How does what feel like?" Bella prompted.

"To be a monster?" I said with a wry smile. "I don't know. But I do know that it comes so easily to me. I'm better at it than the rest of them. I don't know what that means. Does that make me even less human than Embry or Sam? Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm losing myself."

"Is it hard? To find yourself again?" Bella pressed on.

"At first," I acknowledged. "It takes some practice to phase back and forth. But it's easier for me."

"Why?"

"Because Ephraim Black was my father's grandfather, and Quil Ateara was my mother's grandfather."

"Quil?" I could hear the confusion in her voice.

"His great-grandfather," I clarified. "The Quil you know is my second cousin."

"But why does it matter who your great-grandfathers are?"

"Because Ephraim and Quil were in the last pack. Levi Uley was the third. It's in my blood on both sides. I never had a chance. Like Quil doesn't have a chance," I explained bleakly.

"What's the very best part?" I asked suddenly in a much-too-obvious ploy to try to cheer me up. I chuckled and squeezed her affectionately in response.

"The best part," I admitted, "is the _speed_."

"Better than the motorcycles?"

"There's no comparison."

"How fast can you… ?" Her voice trailed off as she didn't know what to call it.

"Run?" I finished her question. "Fast enough. What can I measure it by? We caught… what was his name? Laurent? I imagine that means more to you than it would to someone else."

She was quiet for a long time. I knew that I was going into dangerous territory now, but I just had to know. It had been bothering me for months now. And tonight, the strain of the past few weeks had made me bolder about wanting to know the truth from Bella. The whole truth. And nothing but the truth.

"So, tell me something _I _don't know," I said quietly. "Something about vampires. How did you stand it, being around them? Didn't it creep you out?"

"No," she said curtly. She had stiffened up against me and seemed to want to pull away. I wouldn't let her.

"Tell me something else then. Why did your bloodsucker kill that James, anyway?"

"James was trying to kill me–it was like a game for him. He lost. Do you remember last spring when I was in the hospital down in Phoenix?"

I sucked in my breath as I finally connected the dots. "He got that close?"

"He got very, very close." She started stroking her arm, and that's when I remembered her scar. I reached out and grabbed her hand before she could pull away.

"What's that?" I pulled her right wrist closer. "This is your funny scar, the cold one."

Then suddenly, my eyes bugged out. I stared at it again. The scar was the perfect replica of a human bite mark. I could even see the thicker scar around the edges where the pointer teeth had penetrated.

"Yes, it's what you think it is," she said, telling me what I already knew. "James bit me."

I felt a wave of rage like nothing I had ever experienced before flood through me. I couldn't catch my breath. The blood was raging so furiously through my veins that I was shaking.

"But if he bit you… ? Shouldn't you be… ?"

"Edward saved me twice," she whispered. "He sucked the venom out–you know, like with a rattlesnake."

That put me over the edge. I pushed her away from me as I sat up abruptly. I had my eyes closed tightly and I was clenching the steering wheel in my hands so tightly that I could feel the metal bending under my grasp. I counted to ten. And slowly the red haze of rage simmered down.

"Careful, Jake. Easy. Calm down." Bella said soothingly, her hand reaching out to pat my shoulder.

"Yeah," I panted, reacting instantly to her cool touch. "Calm." I shook my head back and forth quickly as I took a few more deep breaths. After a moment, only my hands were shaking.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, almost. Tell me something else. Give me something else to think about."

"What do you want to know?"

"I don't know." My eyes were still closed as I searched for something to take my mind off of this. "The extra stuff I guess. Did any of the other Cullens have… extra talents? Like the mind reading?"

Bella hesitated a second for a second. "Jasper could… sort of control the emotions of the people around him. Not in a bad way, just to calm someone down, that kind of thing. It would probably help Paul a lot," she added, teasing weakly. "And then Alice could see things that were going to happen. The future, you know, but not absolutely. The things she saw would change when someone changed the path they were on…"

Her voice broke off. I opened my eyes and turned to look at her. She had that familiar blank expression on her face again. Her eyes were vacant and dull. Her arms were wrapped around herself protectively.

"Why do you do that?" I asked suddenly, tugging lightly at one of her arms. I hated it when she did that, but she refused to let them loose. "You do that when you're upset. Why?"

"It hurts to think about them," she whispered, her eyes glossing over with unshed tears of pain. "It's like I can't breathe… like I'm breaking into pieces…"

I stared at her, my own eyes glossing over with unshed tears of frustration. After all this time, she was still hung up on him. After everything that he had done to her. After everything that had happened. For the first time, I began to doubt that I would ever break through. The stranglehold that he had on her – even when he was gone – seemed unbreakable. It hadn't diminished even the slightest bit in all this time.

I wish she could see herself the way I saw her. The lifeless empty shell that she became whenever she thought of him compared to vibrant laughing bright-eyed girl that she was with me. How anyone could think that he had been good for us was beyond me. I smoothed her hair away from her face and bent to give her a soft kiss on the forehead. She turned to me then and burrowed herself into my arms.

"It's okay, Bella, it's okay. I won't bring it up again. I'm sorry."

"I'm fine." she mumbled, her voice muffled against my chest. "Happens all the time. Not your fault."

"We're a pretty messed-up pair, aren't we? Neither one of us can hold our shape together right."

"Pathetic."

"At least we have each other," I responded as I continued to stroke her hair.

I felt her smile against me and relax again. "At least there's that."


	14. Cliffs

**Chapter 14. Cliffs**

Bella seemed better after that day in the garage. But I didn't know for sure, since I wasn't around as much. After more weeks of finding nothing, Sam had become ruthless about running patrol beyond our traditional boundaries. And I had to admit that I was just as maniacal as he was to get the red-haired leech. Not just because she was trying to kill Bella, but because she was the last remaining link Bella had to the Cullens. And I would have been lying if I didn't admit that I wanted desperately to sever that last remaining tie.

We ran patrol nonstop, barely stopping to rest, the pack often just sleeping as wolves in the woods in shifts. I felt as if I knew every rock, tree, or blade of grass in the forest at this point. But we were coming up with nothing. Not even the faintest scent. But I kept going. I had to.

Spring break rolled around. Bella worked during the mornings, but always came by La Push to spend the afternoons. That was _our_ time. It was the only thing that kept me sane during the long weeks of waiting and hunting. But I was almost always late and Bella would hang out at the beach by herself until I came to find her. I knew all of that alone time couldn't have been good for her, but there was nothing I could do. She seemed particularly dejected a few days later when I found her curled up among a patch of semi-dry rocks off of Second Beach.

Second Beach lacked the silky sand and perfect crescent half-moon shape of First Beach, so it was significantly less popular with the tourists. It was also further north, closer to the towering cliffs, and the waves were stronger out here, the evening tide pummeling the rocky coastline. It was a little more secluded here - almost desolate this time of year. It wasn't a good sign that Bella picked this beach to roam.

"Hey, sorry," I apologized as pulled her up from the ground and wrapped both arms around her shoulders. She was cold and shivering. But that was something I could easily fix. If only the other stuff were as easy.

Pretty soon, she felt warm – even to my touch – so we separated. I took her hand and we walked down the beach companionably. We were so used to holding hands or touching these days, that it seemed natural. I knew everyone thought we were together. And we were. Just not quite the way they imagined. I knew better than to press Bella on it. For now, this was enough.

"I'm ruining your spring break," I murmured apologetically.

"No, you're not. I didn't have any plans. I don't think I like spring breaks, anyway."

"I'll take tomorrow morning off. The others can run without me. We'll do something fun," I promised.

"Fun?"

"Yes, fun. Fun is exactly what you need." As I scanned the horizon, I had a flash of inspiration. The cliffs! She had always wanted to cliff-dive. And it was getting warm enough to do it sanely. "Got it! Another promise to keep."

"What are you talking about?"

I pointed toward the northern edge of the beach, where the flat, rocky beach disappeared and the forest took over, leading up to the cliffs. Bella stared at them and then back at me utterly confused.

"Didn't I promise to take you cliff diving?" Her mouth fell open. "Yeah, it'll be pretty cold–not as cold as it is today. Can you feel the weather changing? The pressure? It will be warmer tomorrow. You up for it?"

Bella looked out at the ocean skeptically. The waters looked rough and choppy, even from here. But she nodded, "Sure, I'm up for it. Fun, right?"

"Yep, fun. It's a date," I said as I draped my arm back around her shoulders.

"Okay–now let's go _get _you some sleep." Bella insisted as she steered me back towards the house. I wanted to protest, but I was just too tired. I passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I ran patrol again that night, this time with Jared, crawling back into bed around 7 am. I was looking forward to sleeping in and spending the afternoon with Bella. But that wasn't quite meant to be. Embry shook me awake frantically three hours later. I almost fell off the bed in shock.

"Jake, get up!" He tugged at my arm to drag me up. "Now!"

"What? … who? … where?" I said, probably slobbering, as I struggled to make my sleepy brain function properly.

"They caught her scent. She's here!"

I snapped awake instantly. "Where? When?"

He didn't bother responding. It would be easier for him to explain in wolf form any way. I pushed past Embry to the hallway, and we both tore out the back. We took off running instantly and phased as soon as we were out of sight. Even though I had barely gotten any sleep, the adrenaline fired me up and the routine of running patrol took over.

Sam's voice flooded through my head instantly, barking commands. "_Paul found the scent on the southwestern edge of the rez, right where it meets the state park at the edge of the Forks town line. Meet there in five. Paul – don't do anything rash!"_

That was where Bella and I used to go hiking, close to that meadow where we caught and killed the black-haired leech. Embry and I took off, as I gleaned info from Embry's memories about what had happened. Paul and Embry had been running patrol separately, Paul taking the southern boundary and Embry taking the northern boundary, when Paul found fresh tracks. Embry raced down, alerting the rest of the wolves on his way, and now we were racing down to track down the scent.

We were the last ones to arrive. Sam, Jared, and Paul were already waiting impatiently for us.

"_About time, Black. Too busy snoozing while the rest of us do all the work?"_

"_Bite me, Meraz,"_ I snapped. It was too early in the morning for this crap.

We took off, now that the pack was assembled, tracing the fresh sweet sickly scent through the forest at full speed. The scent couldn't have been more than a few hours old, which was promising, but after a few miles, we came to a dead end. We had reached the southern cliffs that jutted out towards the ocean – which weren't as imposing as the northern cliffs that Bella and I were planning to cliff-dive from later this afternoon – but were far more dangerous because of the mess of shale and rocks that were hidden just below the deceptively shallow water.

"_You think they can swim?"_ Jared asked skeptically as we paced along the cliffs, scanning the ocean below, hoping to catch a glimpse of fiery red locks. But nothing.

"_It wouldn't surprise me if they could. They don't need to breathe, remember?"_ Sam sighed. _"This was a strategic error on my part. It didn't occur to me that she would turn to the ocean to evade us. That's probably why we haven't caught any scent trails."_

"_HA! I guess this means we'll need to learn to doggy-paddle better,"_ Paul snorted as he laughed. The rest of us rolled our eyes at him.

"_Alright, false alarm. I'll do a perimeter run to be safe. But I'm pretty sure she's gone back north."_ Sam continued, "_Jake, you tell Bella to stay away from the beach."_

Right. I was an Idiot. I had been letting her hang out at the beach for weeks by herself, never thinking that Victoria might resort to water. It was a damn miracle that nothing had happened yet. And it looked like cliff-diving was out of the question today with Victoria hanging out in the ocean. I looked up at the sun – it looked like it was late morning right about now - Bella wouldn't be by until about 12 after she got off from her morning shift at Newton's Outfitters. I had some time before she arrived.

We all nodded at Sam and took off. Embry and I ran together again, slower this time, basking in the warmth of the morning sun that was peeping out around the clouds. Embry suggested that we hit up his mom's store for some breakfast, so we switched directions and headed towards town instead of my house.

We phased quickly in the forest by the beach and tugged on our clothes. The convenience store where Embry's mom worked was located just at the edge of town. We could usually slip in and out without getting seen, since it was frequented mostly by tourists instead of locals due to its proximity to First Beach. We were so caught up discussing the new vampire development that we weren't paying attention as we rounded the corner and walked smack into Quil.

Sh*t. Quil's face went blank – first in shock at the sight of us – and then his face darkened. His eyes were hard behind the glasses that were perpetually slipping down his nose and his lips were drawn together so tightly that they were practically white. He unconsciously straightened up his shoulders, as if he were preparing himself for a fight.

Sh*t sh*t sh*t! After a month of successfully avoiding him and avoiding a confrontation, it was there, right in front of us. I could feel Embry holding himself tensely next to me, waiting for me to make the first move. I finally appreciated how hard it must have been for him – the time that he had run into me and Quil after he had transformed – and was forced to fend us off with the same stupid things that we were about to tell Quil.

But I didn't get a chance to say anything because Quil suddenly pivoted on his heel and walked away from us without a second glance. His shoulders were shaking with – anger, frustration, sadness, I wasn't sure what – but his steps were quick and deliberate as he stalked off.

"Quil, wait!" I called before I could help it. Embry hit my arm. I knew he was telling me to let it go. That it was better if we didn't even talk to him, but I had to. Quil's angry retreat stung me. It was bad enough when Embry deserted us, but at least I still had Quil. And now … he was alone. And it wasn't fair.

Quil paused but didn't turn around.

"Quil!" I called again as I closed the distance between us. Embry followed at my heels, dragging his feet. He clearly didn't think this was a good idea. "I'm sorry. I really am, man. I can't explain. I wish I could. You'll understand soon, I promise …"

I winced as I realized that I sounded like Billy. I was saying exactly the same things that Billy had said to me when Embry disappeared and I remembered that it had infuriated me at the time. But I floundered helplessly, unable to find any other way to explain it without giving away the secret.

Quil must have sensed my anxiety, because he turned around to look at me critically. He looked me up and down and then did the same thing to Embry, taking in all of the changes that had happened – the hair, the tattoo, the clothes - then he made a strange sound between a laugh and a snort.

"That's the best you can come up with - after a month of just blowing me off?" He held up his hands as he saw me move to speak. "Forget it. I don't want to hear it. I'm done here."

"No, Quil, really!"

I reached out to snag his arm. The blazing heat of his skin jolted my fingers and I pulled my hand back in shock. I stared down numbly at my fingers. Sh*t sh*t sh*t. This was not good news. I knew that it was inevitable, but I was hoping that it wouldn't happen for a while. Embry nudged me and I looked up at him. I could see the question in his eyes. I nodded abruptly and his face fell. It looked like Quil was going to be joining us sooner than we had thought.

"What!" Quil demanded as he watched the little exchange between me and Embry.

The two of us started guiltily and immediately mumbled, "Nothing, nothing."

"Fine. I'm outta here. Don't come after me. Don't talk to me. I'm done." He reiterated as he stalked off. I made a move to follow him, but this time Embry grabbed my arm.

"Don't," he said in a low warning voice.

"But … we can't just let him …" I sputtered.

"If we make him angry, it'll set off the transformation earlier," Embry replied thoughtfully, though his eyes dark and unhappy. "The best thing we can do for him is to give him a few more days of normalcy. I don't want to force the change before it has to happen."

"Oh, right. Sh*t." I sighed heavily as I pushed my hands through my hair in frustration. "This sucks."

We stood there and watched as Quil disappeared onto a side street and out of sight. That's when I heard Embry's watch ping softly. It was noon. And I was late meeting Bella. I made my apologies to Embry, but he just waved me off as I took off. When I arrived at home a few minutes later, there was no orange truck in sight, but I saw the recent tire marks in the muddy grass. Bella must have come and gone. Crap. I hoped she hadn't gone to the beach.

Billy barely looked up from his paper as I dashed into the house. "She's said she's waiting for you to keep your promise. She said you would know what that meant."

He looked up at me then, his eyebrows raised quizzically. I just grinned in response before taking off again. I didn't bother to phase since the cliffs were only a few miles away. I had spent enough time as a wolf these days that it was nice to get to spend some time in my human form.

I hugged the coastline as I ran north. The morning had been warm and sunny, but I could see the ever-present dark ominous grey clouds rolling in across the ocean. The wind was getting rough. You could tell by the choppy waves that were pounding the shoreline, pummeling the rocks with the type of fury that indicated a big storm was brewing. I was glad to have the weather as an excuse to beg off cliff-diving without having to tell Bella about Victoria. I didn't want to stress her out more than was necessary.

I saw the orange truck parked in the parking lot of Second Beach, so I scanned the beach but it was entirely deserted. Not a surprise given the weather. Frowning, I followed the hiking trail that lead north from the rocky beach and climbed up to the cliffs where I had promised to take Bella cliff-diving. I expected to see her at any minute, hiking up the trails, after all – I wasn't that late - but I didn't see her on my way up.

My stomach was beginning to churn now. What if Victoria had gotten to her? We knew she was probably heading north after her foray this morning. Maybe she saw Bella waiting at the beach and took her. I figured that I should just get to the summit and make sure Bella wasn't there before I panicked, so I picked up my pace. The trees whipped by me in a blur as I ascended the cliff in minutes.

I saw her just then – her back to me as she stood at the summit looking out onto the ocean – her purple hoodie in stark contrast against the bright green budding leaves on the trees around her. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief. She was safe. Victoria hadn't gotten to her just yet.

And that's when I realized where she was standing. Right at the precipice. I saw her clench her fists as her whole body tensed. She bent her knees slightly and took a deep breath. She was going to jump. I started sprinting – the pounding of my heartbeat drowning out all other sounds - somehow, I knew even then, that I had to get there in time or else my life was never going to be the same again.

* * *

_Hi guys! This story ends here, because I decided that the rest of New Moon was just WAY too depressing to write from Jake's POV. Instead, I've continued the saga in my next story - "At the Cliffs" - which literally picks up right at this moment when Bella is about to cliff-dive. The story retells Eclipse but changes it so that it is Jake and Bella, so please check that out! Thanks!_

And don't forget to check out my website - totallyteamjacob(dot)com!

**List of my stories (link to the stories via my profile page):**

_**At First Sight:** Twilight from Jake's POV_

_**In the Shadows:** New Moon-Part 1 from Jake's POV_

_**Monster**: New Moon-Part 2 from Jake's POV_

_**At the Cliffs:** My retelling of Eclipse as Jake & Be_lla


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